I've taken on bigger challenges before. I had to explain to America why Heidi Klum broke up with Seal. [smash cut to Stewie facing the screen against a white background] Face.

What kind of jerk alters time and then falls asleep?

Stewie: Brian, what the hell are you doing in here? What's happening to my time machine?
Brian: I don't know man, I saw Meg leaving a minute ago going "mwuhahahahaha" but I don't know.

Well, now I've seen Woodrow Wilson naked.

Stay away from my brother's butt.

Look, Brian! Meg is one of the sensitive, bearded Robin Williams characters!

Stewie: Lee writes: "Dear Family Guy, was your show based on anything?" That's a great question, Lee. In fact, Family Guy is based on an American television series called The Simpsons.

You know what's messed up? This is all for charity. All the proceeds are going to Oxfam.

Brian: What do you want to do for 20 minutes?
Stewie: I don't know about you, but I'm gonna work out. That's how you stay in shape. Just fit it in when you have free time Wherever you are, wherever you can...there's semen on this floor.

Oh no, he's one of those parkour free-running guys, we'll never catch him!

Brian: You're the only one who's got the knowhow and the technology to help us track her down.
Stewie: Interesting. Last week, all my gadgets were, hooey I think was the word.
Brian: I didn't say...
Stewie: I SAID HOOEY!

Stewie: So, I've always been about world domination. What the hell do you think I was talking about when I said "Victory shall be mine!"
Brian: You have not said that in a very long time.
Stewie: Well, I'm back on it.

Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Bill Clinton: All right, are you ready for another round of N.A.F.T.A
Lois Griffin: What does N.A.F.T.A. mean?
Bill Clinton: 'Nother Afternoon of F****** That Ass!