Glee
Fridays 8:00 PM on FOXFavorite Sue Sylvester Quotes
Spencer: You want me to infiltrate the glee club and be terrible on purpose so everyone gets demoralized and quits?
Sue: Works every time.
[to Becky] Oh, honey. All healthy relationships are built on lies! You know what? I'm pretty sure that's why I ended up divorcing myself.
[to Spencer] I'm actually kind of jealous of all the snooping around you've been able to do without detection. It's like you're Batman, only gay.
Kurt: I do not want to get back together with Blaine. I've moved on. I met someone online. His name is Walter.
Sue: Oh, Porcelain, no. No no no no. You will not come out of this alive. This person is obviously a cannibal. I mean, look at you. You are exceptionally well-marbled. If I were on a deserted island with everybody I knew, I would absolutely eat you first. It doesn't even have to be a deserted island. There could be any number of casual dining establishments and I would still opt to eat you--a mouthwatering, delicious, corn-fed, porcelain rump roast.
Why would I stoop to such puerile acts? Because I hate you, Will Schuester. And I will stop at nothing until I see you homeless in the streets drinking gutter runoff and allowing passersby to perform lewd acts on your buttchin for money. You are a fatuous, dim-witted borderline pederast who tears up faster than a gay jihadi in a sandstorm. You have befouled the profession of teaching by accepting not only one but two Teacher of the Year Awards despite not speaking a word of the foreign language you purport to teach. Like the storied predators of yesteryear, Will, you pick only the most vulnerable students to favor while actively neglecting the others. Like that gross kid with the dreadlocks, or that poor Irish idiot Rory, or that black dancer whose name none of us remember because you rode his back to a win sectionals and then promptly ignored him into oblivion. You positively worship a student if they can so much as carry a tune and yet you don't know a single name of the only true musical genius in that choir room--THE BAND, who have demonstrated that they can at the drop of a hat play literally any song you can name and still you treat them like so much nameless human garbage.
Your charms wore off a long time ago, William. Sometime around Bieber week.
[to Kurt and Walter] Shall we start with something to drink? Perhaps a Shirley Temple in a sippy cup for Sonny. And how about a chalky Ensure, enriched with calcium to fortify those brittle bones?
Sue: Operation Break Rachel's Heart While Sabotaging the New Directions is proceeding very nicely.
Sam: Have you thought about using a shorter name for the operation?
Will: No one goes after one of my friends and gets away with it.
Sue: Except for me. I always go after your friends and I've never not gotten away with it.
So, what do you say, fellas? Will you give America what at least 52% of it will legally tolerate?
I had one last gift for both of you, my legacy couples, and I wanted to give that to you myself. Don't worry. It's not a song. Or a minority choir.
Don't believe everything Becky Jackson tweets.
