Adultery. That’s what this is called.

Why don't you go home, rest, die? It doesn't matter. Because as my first official act as principal, you are fired.

Your charms wore off a long time ago, William. Sometime around Bieber week.

Kurt: I do not want to get back together with Blaine. I've moved on. I met someone online. His name is Walter.
Sue: Oh, Porcelain, no. No no no no. You will not come out of this alive. This person is obviously a cannibal. I mean, look at you. You are exceptionally well-marbled. If I were on a deserted island with everybody I knew, I would absolutely eat you first. It doesn't even have to be a deserted island. There could be any number of casual dining establishments and I would still opt to eat you--a mouthwatering, delicious, corn-fed, porcelain rump roast.

I made plans to shoot reindeer from my helicopter with Sarah Palin, but she canceled. Apparently Todd gets fussy when she misses his ballet recitals.

Emma: Um, Sue, I feel really scared. I feel really overwhelmed. I feel like I can't think straight. I'm just really, really worried that this isn't going to work.
Sue: Well, of course it isn't going to work. You're a weird bird lady with a hollow pelvis and OCD. And Will Schuester is a weepy man-child whose greatest joy in life is singing with children. And his best friend? 19.

I hate you both.

You need to become even more narcissistic than ever before.

I will no longer be carrying around photo ID. Know why? People should know who I am.

Becky: I don't want to hurt your feelings, Coach.
Sue: Oh, I don't have feelings, Becky.

I'm everybody's Secret Santa. Yeah, you can just drop those anywhere.

[to Blaine] This is contraband and if I catch you with your hand up the butt of anything that isn't human, you're in a world of trouble.

Glee Quotes

[to Kurt] You know, these Mounds bars are delicious, but you have to eat them. If you just hold them in your hand hoping that you might get to eat them one day, they're going to melt and you'll look like somebody just pooped in your hand. Don't let waiting for things to maybe work out with Blaine turn you into the guy who looks like somebody just pooped in their hand.

Brittany

Blaine: Where's the bed?
Brittany: I removed it because when I imagined you two having sex I imagined a U-haul mounting a moped.