I will no longer be carrying around photo ID. Know why? People should know who I am.

The two of you are making a mistake, the likes of which have not been seen since the Mexicans sold Manhattan to George Washington for an upskirt photo of Betsy Ross.

I suggest selling yourself on Craigslist under the heading of 'Men seeking Men with butt chins.'

Never let anything distract you from winning.

You're welcome to sing The Sound of Silence in your hotel room. Right now.

I hate hospitals, William. That's why I kept voting for those death panels.

Emma: Since when are cheerleaders performers?
Sue: Your resentment is delicious.

[Madonna is] the most powerful woman ever to walk the face of the earth.

I will not be satisfied until glee club is disbanded.

You two should be wetting yourselves with shame.

So, what do you say, fellas? Will you give America what at least 52% of it will legally tolerate?

This room feels weird. I can't shake the feeling that I'm inhaling a lot dead skin.

Glee Quotes

I'm gonna miss all of you. I love you guys.


When I pulled my hamstring, I went to a misogynist.