My parents were famous Nazi hunters, so they weren't around a lot.

I got a satellite interview. That's lingo for an interview, via satellite.

You make not trying to destroy glee club easy because you're doing such a bang-up job yourself.

[to Santana] What is with you glee club ex-pats? Don't you have jobs. You have to have some source of income so you can pay the staff of scientists who service your teleporters that you all clearly on since you're constantly showing up here.

This room feels weird. I can't shake the feeling that I'm inhaling a lot dead skin.

The only thing I can see you giving birth to is a bushel of russet potatoes.

Female football coach, like a male nurse? Sin against nature.

Sue: Operation Break Rachel's Heart While Sabotaging the New Directions is proceeding very nicely.
Sam: Have you thought about using a shorter name for the operation?

Principal Figgins: Let's hug it out.
Will: I'd rather not.
Sue: I don't see that happening.

You think this is hard? Try waterboarding. That's hard!

Sue Sylvestor

I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, and I guess I don't have to. Mary Lou Retton is an orphan or something.

What kid is gonna choose glee club over football? It would be ridiculous.

Glee Quotes

Relationships are a lot like flowers. If you find the right seed, put it in good soil, give it water and sunlight, bam. Perfect bud. And then comes winter and the flower dies. But if you tend that garden, spring will come along and that flower will bloom again.

Finn

I had sex with you because you got me drunk on wine coolers and I felt fat that day. But it was a mistake.

Quinn [to Puck]