Glee
Fridays 8:00 PM on FOXPopular Sue Sylvester Quotes
I hate you both.
The only thing I can see you giving birth to is a bushel of russet potatoes.
I have before me a buttload of angry letters from members of the animal husbandry club, their parents, Dayton local politicians, the National Autism Association as well as One Million Moms. Although in actuality there aren’t a million of them. There’s really only 100,000 but each and every one of them is an uptight bitch.
[to Rachel] You were the very best the arts had to offer. Which means the arts clearly don't have much to offer now, do they? There is no glee club at this school. There will never be a glee club at this school as long as I'm in charge. Now get the hell out of here before I sick a convicted felon on you.
[to Kurt and Rachel] You two have just entered Sue Sylvester's Thunderdome.
Spencer: You want me to infiltrate the glee club and be terrible on purpose so everyone gets demoralized and quits?
Sue: Works every time.
[to Becky] Oh, honey. All healthy relationships are built on lies! You know what? I'm pretty sure that's why I ended up divorcing myself.
[to Spencer] I'm actually kind of jealous of all the snooping around you've been able to do without detection. It's like you're Batman, only gay.
Kurt: I do not want to get back together with Blaine. I've moved on. I met someone online. His name is Walter.
Sue: Oh, Porcelain, no. No no no no. You will not come out of this alive. This person is obviously a cannibal. I mean, look at you. You are exceptionally well-marbled. If I were on a deserted island with everybody I knew, I would absolutely eat you first. It doesn't even have to be a deserted island. There could be any number of casual dining establishments and I would still opt to eat you--a mouthwatering, delicious, corn-fed, porcelain rump roast.
Why would I stoop to such puerile acts? Because I hate you, Will Schuester. And I will stop at nothing until I see you homeless in the streets drinking gutter runoff and allowing passersby to perform lewd acts on your buttchin for money. You are a fatuous, dim-witted borderline pederast who tears up faster than a gay jihadi in a sandstorm. You have befouled the profession of teaching by accepting not only one but two Teacher of the Year Awards despite not speaking a word of the foreign language you purport to teach. Like the storied predators of yesteryear, Will, you pick only the most vulnerable students to favor while actively neglecting the others. Like that gross kid with the dreadlocks, or that poor Irish idiot Rory, or that black dancer whose name none of us remember because you rode his back to a win sectionals and then promptly ignored him into oblivion. You positively worship a student if they can so much as carry a tune and yet you don't know a single name of the only true musical genius in that choir room--THE BAND, who have demonstrated that they can at the drop of a hat play literally any song you can name and still you treat them like so much nameless human garbage.
Your charms wore off a long time ago, William. Sometime around Bieber week.
[to Kurt and Walter] Shall we start with something to drink? Perhaps a Shirley Temple in a sippy cup for Sonny. And how about a chalky Ensure, enriched with calcium to fortify those brittle bones?
