I might buy a small diaper for your chin, because it looks like a baby's ass.

Some people like to film themselves getting physical with their partner. I happen to enjoy revisiting the impeccable form of my jazzercise routines.

I bribed Will Schuester's landlord to bug his apartment with baby monitors under his couch. And in his bedroom.

I never understood how hard it is to get laughed at, especially in slow motion.

What's that smell? It's coffee. It's usually masked by the smell of fear.

Figgins: I cannot have these shenanigans at this school.
Sue: He cannot have these shenanigans at this school!

As soon as I figure out the difference between slander and libel, I'm suing you.

Student: Hey, Ms. Sylvester, let's get physical.
Sue: Not really my type, but I like that attitude.

On assembly days, I arrange for the rest of the school to be fumigated, so the gym is the only place with clean air.

Sue: You're just like every teenage girl in America: obsessed with vanity. Before you know it, you'll be leaving baggies of vomit in your parents' closet.

I haven't had a solid meal since 1987.

I'm sure Figgins will mumble something nervously and then pretend to take a phone call. I happen to be blackmailing him.

Glee Quotes

[to Kurt] You know, these Mounds bars are delicious, but you have to eat them. If you just hold them in your hand hoping that you might get to eat them one day, they're going to melt and you'll look like somebody just pooped in your hand. Don't let waiting for things to maybe work out with Blaine turn you into the guy who looks like somebody just pooped in their hand.

Brittany

I just want somebody to love me.

Quinn