You sunk my battleship, Rod. And you sunk it hard.

I, for one, think intimacy has no place in a marriage. Walked in on my parents once and it was like seeing two walruses wrestling.

Will: Who's to say everything I do is 100% on the ball?
Sue: No one would say that.

I can't stand the sight of kids getting emotional, unless it's from physical exhaustion.

Will: I can't do a song with three people.
Sue: Not with that attitude.

Sue: So, you're last name is Puckerman, huh?
Puck: Shalom!

I empower my Cheerios to be champions. Do they go to college? I don't know. I don't care. Should they learn Spanish? Sure, if they wanna become dishwashers and gardeners.

I empower my Cheerios to live in fear by creating an environment of irrational, random terror.

You're right, Will. I have been trying to destroy your club with a conviction I can only call "religious."

I like minorities so much, I'm thinking of moving to California to become one.

Sue: When you hear your name called, cross over to this side of this black shiny thing.
Will: That's called a piano, Sue.

Principal Figgins: Let's hug it out.
Will: I'd rather not.
Sue: I don't see that happening.

Glee Quotes

[to Kurt] You know, these Mounds bars are delicious, but you have to eat them. If you just hold them in your hand hoping that you might get to eat them one day, they're going to melt and you'll look like somebody just pooped in your hand. Don't let waiting for things to maybe work out with Blaine turn you into the guy who looks like somebody just pooped in their hand.

Brittany

Blaine: Where's the bed?
Brittany: I removed it because when I imagined you two having sex I imagined a U-haul mounting a moped.