This is America, we speak English here.

I just can’t even...excuse me I need to go kill myself.

Adultery. That’s what this is called.

This place smells like barf!

You see, I’ve been taking my cue from cable news lately and just lying a lot.

I have before me a buttload of angry letters from members of the animal husbandry club, their parents, Dayton local politicians, the National Autism Association as well as One Million Moms. Although in actuality there aren’t a million of them. There’s really only 100,000 but each and every one of them is an uptight bitch.

The only thing I can see you giving birth to is a bushel of russet potatoes.

I hate you both.

[to Blaine] This is contraband and if I catch you with your hand up the butt of anything that isn't human, you're in a world of trouble.

More than anyone I've ever met, I was born to be in charge.

Oh, no. No, no, no. Don't you dare. Over my dead body will you inexplicably shoehorn in another Billy Joel song just to punctuate one of your weekly lessons that inevitably veers off into a saccharine barrage of angst and affirmation.

Sam: I like me just the way I am and I'm not going to change for anyone.
Sue: Well that is just the screw you spirit employers love.

Glee Quotes

Artie: I thought I was over someone, but I still think I have feelings for them.
Brittany: The Clintons?

I had it all planned out. I was gonna make it big on Broadway and maybe make a Woody Allen movie. And then when we were ready, I would just, come back and he'd be teaching here and I'd walk through those doors and I would just say 'I'm home' and then we would live happily ever after.

Rachel