Desperate Housewives

Susan Mayer Quotes (Page 9)

(Julie and Austin are talking about having sex, Susan walks in and they stop)
Susan: Hi!
Austin: Hi.
(Awkward silence)
Susan: Bye!
Austin & Julie: (Smiling) Bye.
 • Rating: Unrated

Susan: I'm out of lipstick. Can I borrow yours?
Julie: Sure. (hands her her lipstick)
Susan: Cherry berry?
Julie: Austin likes the way it tastes.
Susan: Oh, I so did not need to know that.
 • Rating: Unrated

Mike: I can't believe that I just listened to all that stuff Edie told me about you. It turns out you're the only one standing by me. You're a good friend, Susan.
Susan: Ahm, yeah, about that. It's Ian. He's not crazy about me spending time with my ex.
Mike: Even an ex who doesn't remember dating you?
Susan: I remember, and I guess that's enough for him. I'm sorry.
Mike: Well, I can't say that I blame him.
Susan: (reaching out her hand to him) Take care of yourself Mke.
Mike: You too, Susan.
 • Rating: Unrated

Susan: Did you seriously think I could sit on information that would exonerate Mike? If you had seen his face in jail the other day.
Ian: The other day? You saw Mike?
Susan: Yeah, just to tell him about the lawyer. (turning to Bree) I know that Mike is innocent.
Bree: Right, just like you knew Alma was dead.
Ian: I thought we had an agreement.
Susan: We do. Can we talk about this later?
Susan: When? After your next conjugal visit?
Bree: (to Susan) Boy, when it comes to Mike there's no one you won't betray.
 • Rating: Unrated

(Lynette and Gabrielle are getting ready for a poker game and Bree joins them)
Lynette: Guys, why's it been so long since we played poker? I really need this.
Bree: Oh, me too there is nothing more relaxing than an afternoon of finger food and girl talk.
(Susan walks in and joins them)
Susan: Hi ladies.
Lynette: Hey, how you doing?
Susan(to Bree): So did you tell the police that you think Orson killed Monique?
Gabrielle(in shock): What?
Bree(stunned): No I did not, and I don't plan to.
Susan: But Mike's in jail, and you said yourself you thought Orson did it.
Bree: I said I had concerns, concerns that have disappeared now that Mike has been arrested.
Susan: What are you saying? You think Mike is guilty?
Lynette: Hey, why don't we start that girl talk?
Gabrielle: I'll get the ball rolling, anybody have a yeast infection?
Bree(to Susan): They found Monique's blood on the wrench that Mike was trying to dispose of, I mean that hardly screams "INNOCENCE".
Susan: Her teeth were pulled, you don't think that's worth telling the cops she was messing around with a dentist?
Gabrielle(to Lynette): Orson was slipping it to the deck chick? (Lynette makes a weird expression)
Susan: Mike is innocent I know that in my heart.
Bree: We all have convictions Susan, I believe Mike's last one was for manslaughter. (Smirks)
Lynette: Ok, ok we've all made some excellent points in blowing off little steam, wooh, let's play some cards. (Smiles)
(Weird pause)
Susan(to Bree): If you're so sure that Orson is innocent why don't we go through his things? Where is his desk?
Bree: At his office, and what did you think you'd find there anyway?
Susan: I don't know a blackmail letter, a necklace made of teeth.
Lynette(to Gabrielle after both gave up): We're not gonna play cards are we?
Gabrielle(eating): no.
Susan: Well I'm certainly not playing with a woman that is willing to let Mike take the fall for her psycho husband.
Bree: Well needless to say I won't be cooking dinner for Ian's parents.
Susan: Fine, I'll cook myself.
Bree: Good, let me know if there are any survivors. (Smirks)
Susan: And if you take Orson back, you do the same. (Smirks back and leaves)
 • Rating: Unrated

Susan: Ian, haven't you ever wondered why I've never cooked for you?
Ian: I just assumed that you were lazy.
Susan: I wish. My cooking is not good.
Ian: Well, my parents won't be expecting a gourmet meal.
Susan: Will they be expecting stomach cramps, acid reflux, night sweats?
 • Rating: Unrated

Susan: Don't worry. Dinner's all taken care of. We're having blanquette de veau and a grand marnier souffl.
Ian: Well, that's very ambitious of you, and, uh, when will Bree be done making it?
Susan: Five-thirty. But I am rewarming it all by myself.
 • Rating: Unrated

Bree: What in the world?
(Bree and Susan see Mike being arrested.)
Susan: Oh, my God! What's going on?
Mrs. McCluskey: They just arrested Mike for murder.
Susan: What?!
Mrs. McCluskey: They're saying he killed that woman on the news, that Monique person.
Bree: Oh thank God!
 • Rating: Unrated

Susan: Is Edie getting you a good lawyer?
Mike: I doubt it. She dumped me today.
Susan: What? Why?
Mike: Well, I was arrested for murder.
Susan: Still. It's tacky.
 • Rating: Unrated

(Mike is pacing in his cell when Susan comes up to him.)
Mike: They told me somebody was coming, but I did not expect it to be you.
Susan: Is Edie getting you a good lawyer?
Mike: I doubt it. She dumped me today.
Susan: What? Why?
Mike: Well, I was arrested for murder.
Susan: Still, it's tacky. Well, okay then, uh...I'll help you get out. Uh, what's your bail?
Mike: A million dollars.
Susan: Oh.
Mike: You don't have to help me, Susan.
Susan: I want to.
Mike: Aren't you gonna ask?
Susan: What?
Mike: If I killed that woman?
Susan: I don't have to. I know you didn't.
Mike: I wish I was that sure. I, I have these flashes, where I see her face, so I must've known her. And if I did, maybe something happened. Maybe I got angry, maybe...
Susan: There is an explanation for this, and we're gonna figure it out. Don't worry about a thing.
(She strokes his hand through the bars of his cell.)
 • Rating: Unrated

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