Scrubs

Ted Buckland Quotes (Page 12)

Turk: Yeah, Dr. Kelso, um 'bout these posters, they're kinda makin' me uncomfortable.
Dr. Kelso: Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't realize you felt that way. Well here's what I'm gonna do, I'm gonna leave them up.
Turk: I can live with that, or I can sue you.
[both laugh]
Dr. Kelso: Dr. Turk, you are an employee here. I can advertise however I wish. I can use your image, your name, I can manufacture tiny-little Dr. Turk action figures. It'll cost twelve-ninty-five and when you pull the string it'll say "I don't like these posters of me!" Isn't that right Ted?
Ted: Oh definately sir. Of course you'd certainly be vulnerable from a legal stand-point.
Dr. Kelso: How vulnerable?
Ted: Sir, that lawsuit would be over so quickly, I'd advise you to bring cab fare to the courthouse since Doctor Turk would be driving your beamer home to his place
 • Rating: Unrated

Ted: Sir, I've been the hospital's legal counsel for... well, let's just say when I started, I had hair... And a wife and family... The point is, I'll never get a raise without the support of senior staff like yourself.
Dr. Kelso: Can't do it.
Ted: Well, you did what you could!
 • Rating: Unrated

Ted: As legal counselor, it is my job to inform you that your suspension is effective immediately. Oh, gah! I'm just the messenger! Your long-term job status will be decided at the board meeting. Until then, and I can not bend on this, I don't want you setting foot on the premises.
Dr. Cox: I'm going to be here all day.
Ted: That works for me; that'll be good. I hope that works out...
 • Rating: Unrated

Ted: Legally, there's a huge difference. When you stitch a patient, wind up sewing a sheet to him, that's an accident. When he tries getting up, the whole gurney collapses, breaking his front teeth, that's a lawsuit. Say it with me: Accident. Lawsuit.
 • Rating: Unrated

J.D.: Hi, how are ya? I have a quick legal question. What if, hypothetically-
Ted: Oh, God, you killed somebody!
J.D.: Noooo!
Ted: Someone else did!
J.D.: No, no; no one killed anyone.
Ted: Maimed, mutilated, disfigured...let's not split hairs
 • Rating: Unrated

Ted: Finally, doctors, if there is a mistake, don't admit it to the patient. Of course, if the patient is deceased - and you're sure - you can feel free to tell him or her... anything
 • Rating: Unrated

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