Ted Crisp Quotes
Every time I walk by the guy, he sucks me into a 15-minute conversation. You do that eight times a day, that adds up to... well, time I could be working on my math skills.
Ted: So the company backed down on the new hours?
Veronica: Mm-hmm.
Ted: I/we did it, because I/we stood up for what was right. I/we am proud of me/us.
Veronica: I/me, too, Ted. Together, we're like Gandhi. I'm skinny, and you're tan.
Ted: I need to sabotage the sleep system and make sure it's not finished in time for Relaxacon.
Linda: Cool. That's not sex, but it beats getting knocked to the floor so hard you want to go back to Wisconsin and get your master's in Cheese Sciences.
Ted: Yes, it does.
Veronica: I heard about Jenkins' death. The company feels terrible about it.
Ted: People are working too hard, Veronica. We need to slow down.
Veronica: Legal's position's is, we don't know if hard work killed Jenkins. Legal thinks he may have had high cholesterol. They're also floating the idea that his being dead may have been a pre-existing condition, and that he may not have been alive when we hired him. Apparently he was pretty quiet in his job interview.
Ted: Morale does seem pretty low.
Linda: It's like that time they paid our holiday bonuses in frozen food.
Ted: Potpie Christmas. It did not help that they made them with real reindeer.
Veronica: Children, they have so many uses. They're like adorable Swiss Army knives.
Ted: Although they can't open wine worth a damn.
Ted: You're one of the best executives ever. You're better than Steve Jobs, Lee Iacocca, or...
Veronica: Field Marshal Rommel?
Ted: Okay.
Veronica: He was a brilliant tactician who looked magnificent in jodhpurs.
Ted: Now I'm picturing you in jodhpurs.
Veronica: So am I, and I'll bet Rommel didn't wear a thong underneath his.
Veronica: Chu, chu, chu, chu.
Ted: What are you doing?
Veronica: That's the sound of me deflecting the whiny bitching with my happiness shield.
Veronica: Great news! You both have a disease.
Ted: You would be a terrible doctor.
Veronica: Sheila claims you propositioned her for a threesome.
Ted: Veronica, I work full-time and I have a eight-year-old daughter. I don't even have the energy for a onesome.
Linda: Relax, Sheila. Don't fight it.
Ted: "Don't fight it?"
Linda: Hindsight is 20-20, Mr. "I never accidentally fondled anyone."
Ted: I don't think the words "don't fight it" have ever been used when someone isn't being sexually harassed.
That doesn't sound so sexual. It's just a hug that drifted... booberily.
