Ted Mosby Quotes (Page 14)
Season 5, Episode 9: "Slapsgiving 2: Revenge of the Slap"
Ted: You slept with one of my best friends.
Robin: What? You said you were okay with that!
Ted: Well I'm not.
Robin: Why didn't you say something at the time?
Ted: Because... I'm still in love with you.
Robin: Do you really want to slap Barney so bad that you would lie about being in love with me?
Ted: I really want to slap him, okay?
• Rating: Unrated
Ted: Robin, you should get the slap, you're a great slapper. In fact, I want to study slapping under your tutelage. I want to be your slaprentice.
Robin: Don't sell yourself short there, Teddy, you're a slapping rock star. Your name should be Eric Slapton.
• Rating: Unrated
Season 5, Episode 8: "The Playbook"
Robin: Look at me, I've sworn off relationships.
Marshall: She is so about to get married.
Ted: I gotta work on my toast.
Marshall: I gotta make sure my tux fits!
Robin: I will bang your heads together like coconuts.
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Ted: She was cute.
Lily: She still is! And now you're ready.
Marshall: Yeah, man, now you can fit like three times that many chicken fingers in your mouth!
• Rating: 3.0 / 5.0
Ted: [narrating] Kids, the secret to dating is simple. Be confident, be comfortable in your skin, be assured about who you are. Your uncle Barney was really good at that last one. Even though a lot of the time, who he was was actually someone else.
• Rating: Unrated
Barney: Barney Stinson is back on the market. Mothers, lock up your daughters. Daughters, lock up your MILSWANCA's.
Marshall: MILSWANCA's?
Ted: Oh wait, I can get this. Mothers I'd Like to Sleep With and Never Call Again
Barney: Correct, circle gets a square
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Season 5, Episode 7: "The Rough Patch"
Alan Thicke: Lily? Sorry I'm late. I was looking for a van.
Ted: A van costs $25 more.
• Rating: Unrated
Lily: That's it. I'm coming out of retirement for one. Last. Breakup.
Ted and Marshall: YES!
• Rating: Unrated
Barney: Open it open it open it open it! It's my porn collection. Wait, no it's not. That would be weird.
Ted: It's your porn collection.
Barney: It's my porn collection!
• Rating: Unrated
Delivery Guy: I have a sausage pizza delivery
Ted: That sounds the start of one of Barney's videos
Delivery Guy: I don't even know if it's gonna fit in there
Ted: Now you're just quoting it
Delivery Guy: Okay someone has to take this sausage
Ted: Were you in that video?
• Rating: 3.7 / 5.0
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Total Quotes: 411
