How I Met Your Mother

Mondays 8:00 PM on CBS
How i met your mother

Ted: You're moving in with him?
Robin: I'm considering it.
Barney: You're considering it? You barely know him! Plus, he's a loser with a dead end job!
Robin: We have the same job.

Barney: So I'm banging this Portuguese contortionist, right, and she's so flexible that at one point she was both on top of me AND underneath me. Up top AND down low! Who needs drinks?
Ted: [to Don] He means well ... actually I'm not sure if that's true.

I didn't know the Jets had new costumes.

Clint: But you have your own sexual memories with your mom, don't you? Exiting her womb, receiving her milk. You get me, don't you.
Ted: Please don't.

Virginia: I can't believe I am with that man.
Ted: Mom, it's okay. You don't have to settle. There are plenty of other-
Virginia: He's so COOL!

Clint: Your mother is a very erotic woman.
Ted: Please don't.

Ted: The auction was yesterday, my bid was accepted and I signed the papers this morning!
Barney: Was the Blair Witch easy to deal with or did she haggle over closing costs?

I'm gonna set up the grill out back, it's gonna be a total sausage fest. Party. Burgers. We'll do burgers.

Ted: This is going to be the home I share with my future wife.
Barney: Is she in the room with us now, Ted?

Robin: Are you reenacting the last scene from Sleepless in Seattle with little dolls?
Ted: How long have you been standing there?
Robin: Ten seconds.
Ted: Yup, just the last scene.

There's a fine line between a true story and a bald-faced lie.

Ted: You did not convince her you were Neil Armstrong. The moon landing took place seven years before you were born.
Barney: Ted, baby doll. Minor hurdle.

Displaying quotes 157 - 168 of 477 in total

HIMYM Quotes

Whatever you do in this life, it's not legendary, unless your friends are there to see it.

Barney

You are the love of my life. Everything I have and everything I am is yours. Forever.

Barney
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