Ted Mosby Quotes
Lily: He naked-muggered you?
Barney: I'm not even going to ask where he was keeping the gun.
Ted: You sure it was a gun?
Are you sure it wasn't a monkey standing on another monkey's shoulders wearing a trench coat?
Ted: I'm talking about a super date.
Barney: That sounds gooey and romantic -
Ted: Yeah -
Barney: Strip Club?
Ted: Strip Club!
Barney: Oh no, I am not going to give it up, she is. Thanks to Ted's book -
Ted: It's Robins, it's Robins.
Barney: I'm going to stay two steps ahead of her - there's a loop hole in here and I'm going to find it.
Robin: What I am not keeping Mike on the hook!
Ted: You are Captain Hook.
Being single sucks - turns you into a crazy person.
Ted: Permission to say 'Lawyered?'
Marshall: Granted.
Ted: Like I'm totally going to sit my kids down and talk to them about the time Barney nailed seven chicks in a row.
Future Ted: Am I a bad dad?
Hey look at me - I promise I will not fall in love with your roommate.
It's funny sometimes you walk into a place and you know you're exactly where you're supposed to be.
Ted: So do you ever date cute idiots?
Cindy: Almost exclusively.
Ted: What's Lily gonna say when she finds out.
Marshall: Lily's not going to find out. I have a system.
[five seconds later]
Lily: You smoked.
Marshall: Dammit!
