How I Met Your Mother

Ted Mosby Quotes (Page 22)

Ted: I mean, do you know what you're gonna want for lunch ten weeks from now?
Marshall: Sloppy Joe, shrimp cocktail, and a milkshake.
 • Rating: Unrated

Barney: Open your brain tank bro, cuz here comes some premium 91 octane knowledge. There's three rules of cheating: 1. It's not cheating if you're not the one who's married. 2. It's not cheating if her name has two adjacent vowels. 3. And its not cheating if she's from a different area code. You're fine on all three counts.
Ted: How do you know she's from a different area code?
Barney: She's 516. She might dress like she's 718 and act like she's 212, but trust me she's 516. Oh, and her husband letting her out alone on St. Patty's Day? If that dude's not 973 I'm 307...Wyoming.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ted: Hi, I'm Ted.
Ashlee: Hi, I'm Ashlee -- with two E's.
Barney: Please, C's at most!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ted [showing his tramp-stamp]: Say goodbye, kids, 'cause it won't be around much longer.
Lily: Oh, but Ted, if you get rid of the butterfly how's everyone gonna know you're a stripper from Reno with daddy issues?
 • Rating: Unrated

Robin: Wow. That makes me want to join a gym. So I can get super strong and punch you really hard in the face.
Ted: Yes, we should all do it.
Lily: Yeah. Let's all punch Barney in the face.
 • Rating: Unrated

Ted: I wound up shame-eating the whole pizza. I woke up all greasy and sweaty. My sheets looked like what they wrap Deli sandwiches in. Maybe I should join a gym. Do you go to a gym?
Barney: Well, I go to Total Rip Fitness. But I don't work out there.
Ted: What do you do?
Barney: I invest
 • Rating: Unrated

Lily: Well guys, have fun.
Ted: Woah, this is gonna be a major cleanup.
Everyone [saluting]: Major Cleanup!
Marshall: Oh man, we're gonna be doing this all the time now, aren't we?
Robin: That's the general idea.
Everyone [saluting]: General Idea!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ted: So this hot new intern leans over my desk, I can totally see she has a pierce... Brosnan! Pierce Brosnan is my favorite of all the Bonds
 • Rating: Unrated

Barney: No way! March does not have 31 days!
Marshall: Yes it does! Everyone knows that. It's like general knowledge!
Ted & Robin [saluting]: General Knowledge!
 • Rating: 1.0 / 5.0

Ted: I mean, you got used to Lily's loud chewing, right?
Marshall:... Lily doesn't chew loudly.
Ted: Dude. This isn't news. Why do you think I call her Chewbacca?
Marshall: I suspect because she's loyal, wears shiny belts, and I resemble a young Harrison Ford
 • Rating: Unrated

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