Ted Mosby Quotes (Page 28)
Season 2, Episode 2: "The Scorpion and the Toad"
Future Ted: The thing about a hangover is that everyone has their own special remedy.
Waiter: Morning, guys! What can I getcha?
Lily: Shhhhhh.....bring me the dirtiest, greasiest Tuna Melt you got. And a milkshake.
Waiter: For you, sir?
Ted: Uggh....gravy.
Waiter: Do you want that gravy on something?
Ted: ...Surprise me.
Robin: I'd take you with gravy if my boyfriend wasn't sitting right here, hee hee! Just kidding, I'm good!
Lily: What are you so chirpy about?
Ted: She's still drunk from last night.
• Rating: Unrated
Barney: This is the moment I've been waiting for. Starting tonight, I am gonna teach you how to live. Ted, you had your chance. You're out, Marshall's in.
Ted: Yesss!
Marshall: Oh god...
Barney: Marshall, being a single guy in New York City is like ... What's something everybody likes?
Marshall: Candy...
Barney: Yes! It's like being in a candy store! You just walk right in and grab yourself some Whoppers! Yeah! ... Is Whoppers the best one?
Ted: Mounds.
Barney: Milk Duds.
Ted: Gobstoppers.
Barney: Um...
Future Ted: This went on for another hour. Ahhh, just skip to the end.
Ted: Dubble Bubbles!
Barney: Nice
• Rating: Unrated
Ted: Five bucks says she still wants Marshall.
Robin: You're on.
Ted: Five American bucks.
Robin: Dammit
• Rating: Unrated
Ted: She's miserable. She's realized she's made a huge mistake, her and Marshall will be back together in a week. I love it!
Robin: Umm, no, you just want her to be miserable. The truth is, she's happy.
Ted: Trust me, I've known Lily for nine years.
Robin: Trust me, I'm a girl!
Ted: Yeah, but you're Canadian.
• Rating: Unrated
Season 2, Episode 1: "Where Were We?"
Ted: It's Sunday! It's Pancakes day!
Marshall: Lily always made the pancakes. God I loved her pancakes. So soft. So warm. So perfectly shaped.
Ted: Are we still talking about her pancakes? ...C'mon, you gotta eat something. What can I get you?
Marshall: Beer.
Ted: No, that's what you had for dinner.
Marshall: Fine! I'll just have leftovers.
[Marshall pulls half-drunk beer out of couch]
• Rating: Unrated
Ted: You hungry?
Marshall: What's the point? I could eat some food...it's just gonna leave me.
Ted: Well, at least in that scenario, you get to do the dumping.
• Rating: Unrated
Robin: Hey! So, did you hear the big news?
Ted: You mean how Lily and Marshall broke up and Lily's gone and nothing else remotely important happened last night? Yeah, I think he knows
• Rating: Unrated
Ted [on the phone]: Oh hey, where are you guys?
Barney: We're in a fundraiser, helping young women raise money for community college.
Ted: Stripclub...nice
• Rating: 5.0 / 5.0
Barney: So he stays home all the time not getting laid? No, see, that's what you do when you have a fiancée. He should be out here celebrating! He's free! He got that red-headed tumor removed.
Ted: You should write and illustrate children's books
• Rating: Unrated
Marshall [about Lily]: I should call her
Ted: No, no, if you call her when she asks you not to, you're just gonna look weak and you're gonna regret it. Now listen, whenever you feel like calling her, you come find me first... and I will punch you in the face.
Marshall: You're a good friend Ted
• Rating: Unrated
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Total Quotes: 412
