How I Met Your Mother

Ted Mosby Quotes (Page 28)

Ted: Lily, question for you, why did I find Mr. Druthers's baseball signed three times by Pete Rose in your desk drawer?
Lily: That's easy, I took it.
 • Rating: Unrated

Mr. Druthers: Oh my god! It's gone!
Ted: What? What's gone?
Mr. Druthers: My baseball signed three times by Pete Rose.
Ted: Well, It's gotta be around here some where..
Mr. Druthers: What do you think Ted? It just let itself out of it's plastic case and rolled away? Somebody stole it!
Ted: Well, better get back to these styrofoam trees.
Mr. Druthers: Who cares about the trees? It's just busy work to make you feel like you're contributing.
Ted: Inspiring as always
 • Rating: Unrated

Lily: Wow you weren't kidding it really does look like a giant penis.
Ted: I know, but whatever reason Mr. Druthers just doesn't see it.
Lily: How can he NOT see it? I mean there's the [points]
Ted: I know...
Lily: And the way it...
Ted: I know...
Lily: And the two little...
Ted: I know!
 • Rating: Unrated

Ted: Give him his ball back right now! People are gonna get fired!
Lily: No, they're not! It's just a tantrum, Ted. I saw this in kindergarten all the time.
Ted: This isn't kindergarten. Mr. Druthers is an adult, and he wants his ball back!
 • Rating: Unrated

Ted: Okay, we have to get Lily out of that apartment. Her roommate is a raccoon.
Robin: I'd offer her my place, but I have dogs and she's allergic.
Ted: Dogs? I live with her ex-boyfriend. I think she's more allergic to that.
Robin: What about your place, Barney? I know it's surrounded in mystery, but it's gotta have a couch.
Barney: The Fortress of Barnitude?? No way.
Robin: Oh come on. She's desperate.
Barney: Mmm, normally a prerequisite for the women I bring home, but pass
 • Rating: Unrated

Ted: Is that a toilet in your kitchen?
Robin: Or a stove in your bathroom?
Lily: Oh...that's not just a stove. That's a stoveinkerator! A combination of a stove, oven, sink and refrigerator. Stoveinkerator! Isn't that futuristic?!
Ted: God I hope not
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ted: Marshall...you up for some super-loud repetitive music that hasn't changed since the mid-90's?
Marshall: Um...only always
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ted: This project is getting harder and harder!
Barney: Yeah you did!
Ted: Had to!
 • Rating: Unrated

Marshall: Well, all skyscrapers kinda look...like a...
Ted: Marshall, it's a 78 story pink marble tower with a rounded top and two spherical entryways at the front.
Marshall: Wow, so it's the whole package.
Barney: Ha ha ha! Yeah you did!
Marshall: Had to!
Barney: Oh, dude, if they're selling condos you gotta get me in. And don't give me the shaft.
Marshall: Yeah you did!
Barney: Had to!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ted: Hey! How was your day?
Robin: Good
[Robin kisses Ted and smiles]
Ted: ... Wow, you're a great interviewer. Aren't you gonna ask me how my day was?
Robin: No, I know how it was. It was awful. Oh, you wanna rent a movie tonight?
 • Rating: Unrated

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