Ted: Oh my God! I have a tattoo!Barney: That's not a tattoo. That, dear boy, is a tramp stamp.
Ted: Tramp stamp?
Barney: You know, a hoe tag, ass antlers, a Panama City license plate
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Ted: Have fun on your double date.
Lily: For the last time, I'm sorry, there was a lull.
[flashback to the bar]
Gael: Then, we lay on the beach and counted the stars.
Lily: Do you wanna have dinner with me - us?
[flash back to present]
Marshall: There was no lull. You just think he's incredibly hot.
Lily: No, I don't! Not incredibly.
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Ted: I don't go to your country and try to seduce women with my sexy accent.
Barney: Of course not, Persian nightclub owner
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Gael: Gael.
Ted: I'm sorry, so it's Gayle?
Gael: Gael.
Barney: ...Kyle?
Gael: Gael.
Marshall: ...Girl?
Robin: It's pronounced Guy-el.
Gael: It means joyful. That is why I live my life joyfully, and give to others. Especially those less fortunate than I.
Ted: I'm sorry, so it's Gayle?
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Ted: So, Argentina?
Robin: Yes, Argentina.
Ted: Why is this the first I'm hearing about Argentina?
Robin: Um, American schools suck at geography.
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Ted: Dude... you shaved your fricking head?
Marshall: Yeah! Yeah, but it's good. I'll just shave it all off. What a great solution! Just be bald, cos it's cool, right? Bruce Willis, Michael Jordan, Britney Spea- [looks in mirror] Oh, God, what did I do!? How could you let me shave my head!?
Ted: What!?
Marshall: You're the worst best man ever! I hate you!
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Barney: Alright, fine, the stripper at Stewart's Bachelor Party was a 15.
Ted: She was 15?!?!
Barney: A 15...like in blackjack.
Ted: As in, not sure whether you'd hit it?
Barney: Exactly!
Ted: Nice.
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Barney: Ladies and gentlemen, I have in my hand a copy of tonight's Top Ten list. The category: top ten things I would've called my truck...
Ted: It was never your truck.
Barney: if Ted hadn't been a jerk and given it back.
Ted: It was a rental.
Barney: Number ten, "The Winne-Bango." Number nine, "The Pick-Up Truck." Number eight, "The Ford Explore Her." Number seven, "The You Scream Truck." You Scream. (they all laugh) Number six, "Feels on Wheels!" Hello! Number five, "The Ride Her Truck." Number four, "The 18-Squeeler." Number three, "The Esca-Laid." Number two, "The Slam-Boney." and... the number one thing I would've called my truck if Ted hadn't been a jerk and given it back... "The '69 Chevy."
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Ted: Barney...
Barney: This isn't Barney. ...but I hear that guy's awesome. All right. Listen very carefully. You will get your stuff back if you are able to complete a series of challenges. Number one, put on the suit. Number two, meet me at MacLaren's in an hour.
Ted: How will I know who to look for since we've never met?
Barney: ...I look like Barney.
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Robin: Oh, my God. You've been robbed.
Ted: Nope. Just got rid of all my old girlfriend stuff.
Robin: All that stuff was from your exes? Didn't you buy any stuff of your own?
Ted: What can I say? Papi got swag.
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Total Quotes: 279
