Season 2, Episode 12: "First Time in New York"
Robin: You know what? You gave it away too early. You're an "I love you" slut.Ted: Yeah, well you're an "I love you" prude. You know what? I'm taking mine back.
Robin : You can't do that!
Ted : Just did. In fact, I'm giving it away, because I'm a slut.
Ted [to a stranger]: Hey, I love you.
Stranger : Thanks, man! I came in here to jump. I really needed that.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Robin: I can't believe my baby sister is planning to lose her virginity to a douche with a faux-hawk. This can't happen, you guys have help me talk her out of it.
Marshall: A speech to talk a girl out of sex...
Ted: ...yeah I don't have any of those.
Barney: Discouraging premarital sex is against my religion.
Robin: Please I'm her older sister I'm supposed to teach her how to make good and responsible decisions
Lily: It's 2 o'clock and you've already had three Scotch and Sodas.
Robin: That's why I need your help!
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Season 2, Episode 11: "How Lily Stole Christmas"
[after Ted tells Barney what he called Lily]Barney: Ted Vivian Mosby!
Ted: That's not my middle name..
Barney: You kiss your mother with that mouth?
Ted: Like you've never said that word?
Barney: I don't kiss your mother with my mouth, yet...
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Season 2, Episode 10: "Single Stamina"
Marshall: Oh, poor me. I get to order yummy pink drinks with chunks of real fruit that guys secretly like but can't order because they'll be made fun of.Ted: Dude
Marshall: They're delicious!
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Season 2, Episode 9: "Slap Bet"
Ted: You are driving me crazy. No wonder your fake husband moved to Hong Kong.Robin: He moved there for business!
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Barney: Fine, if you wanna know what Robin's secret is...
Ted: You know??!
Barney: Of course I know. She couldn't look at us. Her face got flushed. That's shame, my friend. Our friend Robin used to do porn....wait for it....ography!
Ted: Yea, we didn't really need to wait for that. And it's ridiculous!
Lily: I don't know. He could be right. She does have the fake orgasm noises down.
Ted: Hey!
Lily: What? The walls are thin.
Ted: That's not what I'm 'hey'-ing you about.
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Ted: Wha...I don't get it! Why won't Robin tell me why she hates malls?
Barney: Ted, you should be happy Robin has a secret. The more you learn about a person, the better chance you have of hitting the fatal "Ohhh..." moment.
Marshall: The "Ohhh..." moment?
Barney: Yeah. That moment when you find out that one detail about a person that is going to be a deal-breaker
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Ted: You're scared of the seven dwarves?
Robin: Just of Doc. He's creepy... I mean, the guy went to medical school, what is he doing living with six coalminers
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Season 2, Episode 7: "Swarley"
Barney: She's got the..'Crazy Eyes'.Ted: Dude...the eyes...they're CRAZY.
Marshall: What are you guys talking about, the 'Crazy Eyes'?
Barney: It's a well-documented condition of the pupils, or pupi.
Ted: Nope, just pupils.
Barney: It's an indicator of future mental instability
• Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Ted: Hey dude, by the way, I really like that suit. Tell me about the fabric; is it foreign or something?
Barney: Wow...it is foreign. I'm impressed, Ted! It's Moroccan, actually.
Ted: Whoa...
[Carl interrupts from the bar]
Carl: I've got a phone call for Swarley. Is there a Swarley here?
Barney: You weren't interested in my suit at all, were you?
• Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Total Quotes: 307
