Ted: He may not fit society's definition of a hero, but he is the hero I needed. The hero who helped me recover from the disaster of my failed almost-marriage and get back into the game. He lives in the shadows. Is he a dream? Truth? Fiction? Damnation? Salvation? He is all these things and none of them. He is...The Naked Man• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Robin: Look at those girls Lily. Look at them and listen to what their "woos" are really saying.
Woman #1: Woooo!
Subtitle: I cry in the shower!
Woman #2: Woooo!
Subtitle: I've never been on a second date!
Woman #3: Woooo!
Subtitle: What if I never get to be a Mother?!
Woman #4: Woooo!
Subtitle: I'm secretly in love with Jillian!
Ted: Woooo!
Subtitle: My career and love life are heading nowhere!
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Robin: Anytime you even hear the word kids you get two little lactation stains on your shirt.
Ted: Thank God you're not a mom. You are such an ice queen, any baby nursing from you would get brain freeze!
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Ted [pointing to a map of NYC and referring to places to avoid Stella]: Red areas, places to avoid. White areas are safe. Blue is water.
Lily: That is just ridiculous!
Robin: Well, water is blue
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Ted [to Stella in his dream encounter]: You picked the wrong guy.
Stella: Ted?
Ted: You picked the wrong guy. You made a really, really, really bad choice. What were you thinking? That guy? Are you kidding me? Have you learned nothing in the last eight years? You're just gonna regret this. You know that, right? You are going to regret this, and now there is nothing you can do about it because it's too late. All you can do now is go up there and start your crappy, disappointing life that will never be nearly as happy as the one you could have had with me. Good-bye.
Stella: Ted, wait.
Ted: Look, Stella, I am not here to win you back. I am here because I need to know that you know you made the biggest mistake of your life.
Stella: I know
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Ted: The lamb here is supposed to be great.
Nora: I am a vegan. I wish I could tune out that moral voice inside me that says eating animals is murder. But, I guess I'm just not as strong as you are.
Ted: That's 'cause you need protein
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: 10.0 / 10 • Permalink
Stella: I don't know how I feel about Robin coming to our wedding...
Ted: Can I help? You feel glad!
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Ted [about his intervention]: What was it for? The Crocs? The hair product?
Marshall: Not Stella.
Ted: Oh, my God, this was about Stella.
Marshall: I just said, "not Stella," so maybe it was about your poor listening skills, Ted.
Ted: What?
Marshall: It's out of control, see?
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Ted: Robin, could I hear yours?
Robin: "Dear Ted, it's 'encyclo-pee-dia', not 'encyclo-pay-dia'. Why do you always say things in the most pretentious way possible? It makes you sound douchey—and that's 'douch-ey', not 'douch-ay'."
Ted: Yeah, you already read that one at my Pronunciation intervention. Where's the letter about Stella?
Robin: I didn't write one. I'm your ex-girlfriend. I figured anything I said on the subject would sound catty. Plus, I'm hotter than her, so who cares?
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Robin: Stella's not gonna let you keep half of this junk.
Ted: Why wouldn't she?
Lily: Oh, Ted, oh, sweetie. Okay, here's the thing that guys only learn after they move in with a woman. All of your stuff is stupid
• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Total Quotes: 279
