Ted: I have to think of ways to put my wood into Bilson's dark atrium• Show: How I Met Your Mother • Rating: Unrated • Permalink
Ted: Well after he proposed a vocational paradigm shift, I made an impromptu presentation using a four pronged approached that really brought him to his knees
Barney: Hit him with a chair?
Ted: Yep
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Ted: I just got screwed by my two best friends and I didn't even know it
Lily: In Canada that's called a sneaky snowflake
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Robin: Let's make a pact, if we both turn 40 and we're both single..
Ted: Robin Scherbatsky, will you be my backup wife?
Robin: A girl always dreams of hearing those words. Yes, yes, a million times, yes!
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Ted: I never said I was gonna get back together with her. But I was thinking, she's new in town, would it be the worst thing in the world if I gave her a call?
Marshall: No, no, Ted, it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world. It would be the fourth worst thing. Number one, supervolcano. Number two, an asteroid hits the earth. Number three, all footage of Evil Knievel is lost. Number four, Ted calls Karen. Number five, Lily gets eaten by a shark.
Lily: I'm Lily and I approve the order of that list.
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Ted: So you guys absolutely don't think I should call her?
Group: Ted, no!
Ted: Interesting piece of trivia... I called her.
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Ted: Where does this woman live?
Robin: We're talking about a woman that actually Barney Stinson to commit, I'm guessing Narnia
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Lily: Doctor X, you're still bragging about Doctor X?
Robin: Who's Doctor X?
Ted: Nobody knows. He was this genious mystery DJ.
Marshall: It was Ted.
Ted: His identity remains a mystery to this day.
Lily: It was Ted.
Ted: But this phantom of the airwaves changed the very face of college radio.
Marshall: It was Ted.
Lily: And your show sucked
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Barney: So I explained to her, I said Madelin, every single international conflict essentially boils down to sexual tension
Ted: Every international conflict?
Barney: Every single one, dude
Ted: So the crisis in the middle east could be solved by?
Barney: Gaza Strippers. Next.
Ted: Apartheid?
Barney: Apart Thighs? What else you got?
Ted: Cold war.
Barney: Ms. Gorbachev, Take Down Those Pants
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Ted: Hey, how was your day?
Lily: Today I yelled at a little girl for painting a rainbow.
Ted: A rainbow?! Sounds like that bitch had it coming
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Total Quotes: 279
