Tess Vargas Quotes
JT: So we're not sexually mismatched?
Tess: Not that I'm aware of. Do you think we are?
JT: No. I'm good.
- Permalink: No. I'm good.
JT: Heather wants penis straws? She actually wrote that in her email.
Tess: Yeah. Apparently they're a bachelorette party staple.
- Permalink: Yeah. Apparently they're a bachelorette party staple.
And yeah you just got back together, but you're not some fragile newbie couple. You're epic.
Tess: Pointing fingers doesn't help.
JT: Oh but dropping me off a block away so nobody knows we slept together does?
Wait, you were dreaming about Vincent while you were sleeping with Gabe?
- Permalink: Wait, you were dreaming about Vincent while you were sleeping with Gabe?
Tess: Oh woah wait. Did you guys have like a relationship conversation?
Gabe: Can we not do this right now?
- Permalink: Can we not do this right now?
J.T.: Muirfield didn't choose him randomly. I put his name on the list. Yeah. Me. His best friend.
Tess: You can’t beat yourself up without patting yourself on the back, too.
- Permalink: You can’t beat yourself up without patting yourself on the back, too.
I wouldn't put my life on hold for her or go in hiding for ten years like you've done. That’s not loyalty. That’s something else.
OK. One beast at a time. First we'll deal with your father, then little miss glowy eyes.
J.T.: Tess, you don't have to deflect. I'm not gonna to do it again.
Tess: I'm genuinely excited about the bells.
J.T.: OK. But I'm just saying, I have zero expectations. I took advantage.
Tess: No you didn't.
J.T.: I didn't?
Tess: Maybe a little? No. But if I didn't want you kiss me, you wouldn't have because I am intimidating. So we're all good. Just - no one
needs to know.
J.T.: Good. It never happened.
- Permalink: Good. It never happened.
Tess: It's just, I dread this holiday so much. It's the part where my family grills me about my single status and there are no gifts to offset the humiliation.
J.T.: Then don't go. Tell them you're working, which you are. We can boycott the holidays together.
Tess: Just you and me?
J.T.: And some beer and some pizza and some creepy guy's voice.
Tess: Can we start drinking now?
J.T.: Absolutely. This is going to be the best Thanksgiving ever! Non-Thanksgiving.
Oh yeah, hey Curt, would you mind beasting out so we can kill you and then after you flatline we may or may not be able to, you know, shock your human side back to life? I'm sure he'll go for that.