Venture Brothers
Sundays 11:30 PM on Cartoon NetworkThe Monarch Quotes
Monarch: I treat my captives as kings. You will be given the finest of accommodations.
Hank: Hey! Last time I was here you threw me in a stinky jail cell!
Monarch: You broke my heart, Hank...
Monarch: And what about you?
Brock: I didn't sleep in my clothes.
Monarch: 27! Burn his sheets!
Dean: My... no-nos hurt!
Monarch: What the hell are "no-nos."
Dr. Venture: That's the super-adult term my teenage sons use to refer to their genitals. In public. In front of their father
Monarch: How do you think your father knew everything about it?
Hank: Because... he's a genius super-scientist?
Monarch: I like to dream too, Hank
Dr. Venture: You just won't stop, will you? You just keep pushing my buttons.
Monarch: You're my arch-enemy. That's what I do - it's my thing!
The Guild of Calamitous Intent - which incidentally I only joined to get the full dental and partial health package - has this pretty cut and dried. I have to kill him - those are my orders
Brock: Take your time, Monarch, cause the minute you finish your little speech, I'm going to kill you.
The Monarch: What are you, Obi-wan Kenobi?!? Look at you schmucks!
Hank: I never met my grandfather. I never even met my mom.
The Monarch: Hank... what would you say if I told you that your mother was someone you've met before?
Hank: What?
The Monarch: And what if I told you that your father is not your real father? Hank... Hank! I am your real father!
Hank: No way. No way, that's not true!
The Monarch: Psych! Hahaha, you were all, "Oh, daddy, you're my daddy!" You are so gullible, what is that like?!
Venture and I have been engaged in a deadly game of cat and also-cat for years!
The Monarch: What is this, Diet? Why did you get Diet?!
Dr. Girlfriend: I didn't.
The Monarch: Taste this then!
Dr. Girlfriend: Okay, I might have grabbed the wrong bottle at the supermarket.
The Monarch: How do you do that!? How can you not tell the difference?! God, it's like having my Dad do the shopping
Baron Underbheit: You have to give me this one. I've loathed Venture ever since college.
The Monarch: Oh, who hasn't, Ãœnderpants? What makes your case so special?
[Baron points to his jaw]
The Monarch: Wow, you mean he did that? How?
Baron Underbheit: Where I come from, a lab partnership is a sacred trust. One is always suppose to look out for one's lab partner. Venture did not.
The Monarch: Fine, fine. But you have to understand you can't waltz into the middle of a delicate, high-stakes chess tournament and yell, "King me!" 'cause he bitched up your face
Hank: What's your problem with our dad anyway?!
The Monarch: (awkwardly) Well, I- he- he's my nemesis. My archenemy.
Dean: I don't think pop thinks you're his archenemy.
The Monarch: Come on, I'm sure the walls of the Venture Compound are practically caked with the lingering curses of the Monarch's name.
Dean: Uhh, no. I've never even heard him mention you.
Hank: Yeah, I always thought Baron Ãœnderbheit was dad's arch-enemy.
The Monarch: (astounded) Ãœnderbheit!?! Why, that dime-store Doctor Doom isn't fit to -- just you wait til your father calls me back
