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I got you a going away present. I’m finally deleting you from my phone.

Snakejuice! I thought these were destroyed by the FDA!

I’m not gonna buy that thing! It’s covered in a gallon of your boogers!

Video Ron Demand.

This morning I saw a youtube video with a puppy riding a motorcycle. So my bar my bar for stunning is pretty high.

Ronnn. Can you put some more tiny marshmallows in my hot choccy?

Hey, you’re a doctor. You know stiches get stiches!

Nadia: Wow, you are wearing a lot of moisturizer on your neck.
Tom: Best way to prevent crow's feet.
Nadia: Is this...glitter?

Tom: What brand is it?
Ann: It's called "Womb, There It Is!"

Woah, Dylan, slow down. That sweat suit is not for sweating. If you take that crushed velvet on more than a brisk walk,it'll fall apart.

Dating Mona Lisa is awesome. Except I live in constant fear of my life. So I need to do the mature thing and get someone to dump her.

I'm gonna buy some sweat pants and a Nicholas Sparks novel. Might as well lean into it.

Displaying quotes 13 - 24 of 217 in total

Parks & Rec Quotes

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!

April

Just remember every time you look up at the moon, I too will be looking at a moon. Not the same moon, obviously, that’s impossible.

Andy
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