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Parks-and-recreation

That's what you see when you close your eyes at night Jerry. Topless Leslie glued to a horse!

I call eggs pre-birds or future birds.

Chris: Pawnee is, as you all know, the fourth most obese city in America.
Tom: Soon to be number three. We're coming for you San Antonio.

"Excuse me! Are there any strippers here? Former strippers? Non-dancers but you're feeling a little bit drunk?"

"One of my life goals is to be a best man. It's a baller position. You get drunk, you make speeches, and you make love to the prettiest bridesmaid. Usually standing from behind."

Tom: Hold on a second. Did you get your breasts done? You look amazing!
Joan: Yes, thanks for noticing.
Tom: Joan, listen to me. This harvest festival, it's gonna knock your socks off and when it does, I'm gonna be there to give you a foot massage. To completion.
Ben: Good lord!

Ken Hotatay: During the battle, 93 year old Chief Oxcatay was shot 102 times by the calvary.
Tom: Did he die?

Chris: Man.. you are just knocking these off. You're like a ninja crossed with a Jedi or something.
Tom: You're like a nerd mixed with a dork or something.
Chris: Tom, Star Wars is not that nerdy.

Oh, am I wearing an ascot? I didn't notice.

Tom: Watch the master work it, I am the Yoda of networking.
Ben: Well Yoda wouldn't actually need networking, his powers were more spiritual.
Tom: Shut up you nerd!

His real name is Dante Fiero, but he changed it to Dennis Feinstein 'cause that's way more exotic in Pawnee.

Tom: Joan, let's make a pact, OK? If we're both still single in an hour, let's get married.
Joan: Tom, I'm already married.
Tom: Oh, that's right. To Seal. Oh, I confused you with Heidi Klum again.

Displaying quotes 73 - 84 of 217 in total

Parks & Rec Quotes

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!

April

Andy: From now on, we will be using code names. You can address me as
Eagle One. Ann, code name -- Been There, Don That. April is --
Currently Doing That. Donna is -- It Happened Once in a Dream; Chris,
code name -- If I Had To Pick a Dude. Ben is -- Eagle Two.
Ben: Oh thank God.

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