Parks and Recreation

Thursdays 8:30 PM on NBC
Parks and recreation
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That's what you see when you close your eyes at night Jerry. Topless Leslie glued to a horse!

I call eggs pre-birds or future birds.

Chris: Pawnee is, as you all know, the fourth most obese city in America.
Tom: Soon to be number three. We're coming for you San Antonio.

"Excuse me! Are there any strippers here? Former strippers? Non-dancers but you're feeling a little bit drunk?"

"One of my life goals is to be a best man. It's a baller position. You get drunk, you make speeches, and you make love to the prettiest bridesmaid. Usually standing from behind."

Tom: Hold on a second. Did you get your breasts done? You look amazing!
Joan: Yes, thanks for noticing.
Tom: Joan, listen to me. This harvest festival, it's gonna knock your socks off and when it does, I'm gonna be there to give you a foot massage. To completion.
Ben: Good lord!

Ken Hotatay: During the battle, 93 year old Chief Oxcatay was shot 102 times by the calvary.
Tom: Did he die?

Chris: Man.. you are just knocking these off. You're like a ninja crossed with a Jedi or something.
Tom: You're like a nerd mixed with a dork or something.
Chris: Tom, Star Wars is not that nerdy.

Oh, am I wearing an ascot? I didn't notice.

Tom: Watch the master work it, I am the Yoda of networking.
Ben: Well Yoda wouldn't actually need networking, his powers were more spiritual.
Tom: Shut up you nerd!

His real name is Dante Fiero, but he changed it to Dennis Feinstein 'cause that's way more exotic in Pawnee.

Tom: Joan, let's make a pact, OK? If we're both still single in an hour, let's get married.
Joan: Tom, I'm already married.
Tom: Oh, that's right. To Seal. Oh, I confused you with Heidi Klum again.

Displaying quotes 73 - 84 of 217 in total

Parks & Rec Quotes

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!

April

Dear frozen yogurt, you are the celery of desserts. Be ice cream or be nothing.

Ron