Favorite Tom Scavo Quotes
Tom: It'll be ok, I'm looking for a job, and in the meantime we've got enough money to live on for the next... four months.
Lynette: So we'll run out right before the babies are born.
Tom: Yes. But remember, kids never miss what they never had.
Lynette: Ah, like food, clothing, a sober mother.
Lynette: (holding a worldmap) There you go, Gaby. It's kinda old. It's from before the Soviet Union broke up.
Gabrielle: The Soviet Union broke up?
Tom: You sure you know what you're doing with this homeschooling thing?
Gabrielle: Oh, honey, Juanita's in first grade. She'll believe what I tell her.
Rick: I'm staying as long as Lynette wants me there. And make no mistake. She wants me there.
Tom: Oh, buddy. You're not thinking this thing through, because Lynette will never leave her family. So the best, and I mean the very best, that you can hope for is to catch her in a weak moment and leave a wound in her marriage that will take years to heal, but it will heal, because I will stand by her and I will love her just as hard as she hates herself for what she did. You still feel like sticking around?
(Lynette offers to go for custody of Kayla.)
Tom: I never thought you'd want a fifth kid.
Lynette: I don't, and I didn't want the first four, but they're starting to grow on me.
I hope you can forgive me for this. It would be a shame, a shame if some meaningless encounter 20 years ago ruined this life we've built together.
Lynette: Huh. That's weird.
Tom: What?
Lynette: I have an "Isn't that Ironic?" app that usually buzzes when people say stuff like that.
Tom: She sat down so quickly, I didn't know what to say!
Lynette: How about "You're in the frame, bitch. Move!"
Tom: What about my sex? I always get sex on our anniversary.
Lynette: We can still have sex, just try not to wake me.
Tom: What's that smell?
Lynette: Despair.
Tom: Oh. I thought it was waffles.
Tom: So, Paris, Prague, Madrid... it sounds like you guys saw everything.
Lynette: But you still haven't told us how you two met.
Preston: Well, uh, the first time I saw Irina was on a beach in Nice.
Irina: It was, uh, how you say in english? The... (she gestures)
Tom: T-topless?
Irina: Yes!
Lynette: Oh, you really did see everything.
Tom: So, I still don't get why you fired Roy. I mean, he was putting the bird house where you wanted it, right?
Lynette: It's not about that. He said I emasculate you.
Tom: He said that?
Lynette: Well, not in those words. He went with a more colorful nutcracking analogy.
Tom: He is funny.
Lynette: And, the rat, you took it outside?
Tom: Oh no, I smashed it with a shovel.
Lynette: You killed it?
Tom: Not with the first hit.
