Tom Tucker Quotes
Tom Tucker: Hey champ. Do you want to see Chicken Little?
Peter: Hahaha. Yeah!
Tom Tucker: And what does a chicken say?
Tom Tucker: Hahaha, why not.
- Permalink: Hey champ. Do you want to see Chicken Little? Hahaha. Yeah! ...
Tom Tucker: Can I get you some punch?
Thelma: Oh no, see, if you're one of ten million americans like me...
(cuts to a man in a chair)
Man: Like me.
(cuts to a woman on a tennis court)
Woman: Like me.
(cuts back to the community center)
Thelma: ...with a bladder control problem, punch just goes right through you.
(Quagmire comes in)
- Permalink: Can I get you some punch? Oh no, see, if you're one of ten mil...
Jake Tucker: What's your problem?
Peter: Papa Tom's being a jerk.
Jake Tucker: At least he talks to you. He hasn't paid attention to me in weeks!
Peter: Well, all in all, I think you should be grateful. I heard the Kennedys had a kid like you once, and they had it put to sleep.
- Permalink: What's your problem? Papa Tom's being a jerk. At least he ta...
Thelma: I don't see what the problem is, Tom is a wonderful man.
Tom Tucker: I don't see the problem either, but let's go to Ollie Williams for the In-Depth Anylasis. Ollie?
Ollie Williams: Lady's old!
Tom Tucker: Thanks Ollie, back to you, Peter.
- Permalink: I don't see what the problem is, Tom is a wonderful man. I don...
Tom Tucker: Our top story tonight: A woman loses her sex drive after a $125 dinner at Alfredo's.
- Permalink: A woman loses her sex drive after a $125 dinner at Alfredo's.
Black Diane: Coming up this half hour: Flies on your face. How many is too many?
Black Tom: But first: That orange thing in the sky, and what you can do to please it.
- Permalink: Flies on your face. How many is too many? That orange thing in...
Tom Tucker: Coming up next, America's hottest new curse word: "kleeman". We'll tell you what it means right after this.
- Permalink: Kleeman. We'll tell you what it means right after this.
Diane: Also in the news some trouble at Saint Phillips church.
Tom: That's right Diane, a shipment of tainted holy water could put some local babies in jeopardy.
Diane: Sounds dangerous Tom, Be careful next time you're at confession telling the priest about cheating on your wife with that Filipino drag queen.
Tom: Well at least you're in no danger Diane since you only visit church to leave your self delivered, unwashed, half dead newborns on the back step. Coming up how to turn your unwanted change into foldin' money.
- Permalink: Also in the news some trouble at Saint Phillips church. That's...
Bob Hope briefly came back to life today; only to die in a tragic motorcycle accident.
- Permalink: Bob Hope briefly came back to life today; only to die in a tragi...