I was supposed to be in the movie Rush Hour but two weeks into shooting I was replaced by Jackie Chan.

I cursed for three hours straight just to get it out of my system.

I know love at first sight when I see it. I saw it when I met Angie, and I saw it the first time Dotcom laid eyes on Grizz's fiancee.

I found it on my favorite web site ... stop showing off, Dot com!

Tracy: Could I replace it with a wheel, like Rosie from The Jetsons?
Dr. Leo Spaceman: Sure, but then you'll have to register yourself as a motor vehicle.

Kenneth: Well, I'm saying you could get your wallet...
Tracy: My what?!
Kenneth: ...and go downstairs to the basement...
Tracy: No!
Kenneth: ...and you go to the soup place, and bring the soup back up here...
Tracy: With what? My arms?
Kenneth: ...make sure to take your IDs with you.
Tracy: That'll be the worst part!

Jenna: We decided we'd get them all hot soup.
Tracy: So... go do that.
Kenneth: Oh, all the other pages have gone home sick, I can't make any runs right now. Maybe the two of you could go get the soup.
[long pause]
Jenna: I don't understand.

Kenneth: Mr. Jordan, Ms. Maroney. You wanted to see me?
Jenna: Kenneth, Tracy and I want to do something for the crew, you know, to thank them for being sick.
Tracy: We didn't know what to get them, but then I had a brain storm. It was a bad one, Jenna had to put my tongue guard in.

I'm afraid she'll divorce me if I ever have enough money where she can live off half.

How come there ain't no Puerto Ricans on Star Trek? I mean they have every race and life form from all over the galaxy but no Puerto Ricans. What's up with that?


Liz: Tracy, get out of the hallway.
Tracy: OR AM I?
Liz: Oh God, this dream again.
Tracy: That's not me. That's a Tracy Jordan Japanese Sex Doll. You can tell us apart because it's not suffering from a vitamin deficiency.

I can't talk now, I have to get my wallet out of the toaster.


30 Rock Quotes

Oh, poor baby. Can't hack it in the big city? Gonna move to the bay area now, pretend that that was your dream the whole time? Have fun always carrying a light sweater.


I wanna roll my eyes right now, but the doctor said if I keep doing it my ocular muscles might spasm and eject my eyeballs.