How come there ain't no Puerto Ricans on Star Trek? I mean they have every race and life form from all over the galaxy but no Puerto Ricans. What's up with that?


Liz: Tracy, get out of the hallway.
Tracy: OR AM I?
Liz: Oh God, this dream again.
Tracy: That's not me. That's a Tracy Jordan Japanese Sex Doll. You can tell us apart because it's not suffering from a vitamin deficiency.

I can't talk now, I have to get my wallet out of the toaster.


[regarding his ankle bracelet alcohol monitor] Maybe I'll just compromise - go to the party, cut off my foot and drink all I want!

I do not want to disappoint our Japanese public, especially Godzilla. Hahaha! I'm just kidding, I know he doesn't care what humans do.


C.C.: Nobody can know we're together. Not even your friend Tracy Jordan out there.
Jack: I don't think you have to worry about Tracy.
Tracy: Stop eating people's old French fries, pigeon! Have some self respect! Don't you know you can fly?

Tracy: Yeah, I don't have a daughter.
Jack: Let's have a casting session on Monday.

This is what I do. I drop "truth bombs."

Jack: What are you doing?
Tracy: Payback. The way you treated me. You used me.
Jack: God, its like dating Katie Couric all over again. I didn't use you. I created a situation that could have been mutually beneficial and you blew it.

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