I wish my mouth was farther away from my brain. I wish my brain had its own brain.

Troy: Is it black Michael Chiklis?
Annie: No!
Pierce: Is it white George Foreman
Britta: You guys are talking about the same person. He's biracial, his name is David and he's a human being.

I checked all Pierce's wardrobes for portals to magical worlds. All I found was something called Emmanuelle in Space on laser disc. I couldn't watch it but it sounded sexy. Laser. Disc.

Who taught you therapy, Michael Jackson's dad?

Annie: Weird night huh?
Troy: Yeah. Alcohol makes people sad. It's like the Lifetime movies of beverages.

Troy: I just spent the last two years thinking that you guys knew more than me about life, and I just found out you guys are just as dumb as me.
Britta: Da doi.
Jeff: Yeah. Da doi.

Yes. I want to bathe in manhood.

Jeff: You were born 21 years ago.
Troy: Which would make me 20, because everyone is 10 for two years. Because fifth grade is really hard for every...one. Mom how many lies have I been living!?

Hello during a random dessert, the month and day of which coincide numerically with your expulsion from a uterus.

Troy [reading the cake]

Latvian Independence Parade. Don't look at me, they had the proper permits.

Enjoy eating fiber and watching The Mentalist.

Troy [to Britta]

Do they find thoughts in our butts? I knew I should've read that book.

Community Quotes

Abed: Sometimes I like to pour hot chocolate mix into cold milk and drink it with hot cocoa, I call it special drink
Jeff: And some day you will know it by its true name, diabetes

I'm sorry Annie. I'm not the worker-bee type. I'm more of a silver back gorilla with the claws of a lion, the teeth of a shark and the quiet dignity of a tortoise.

Jeff