Tyrion: And here we have Bronn, son of...
Bronn: You wouldn't know him.

Shaggar: How would you like to die, Tyrion, son of Tywin?
Tyrion: In my own bed, at the age of 80, with a belly full of wine and a girls mouth around my cock.

Robert Arryn: Can I make the little man fly now?
Tyrion: Not this little man. This little man is going home now.

Where do I begin, my lords and ladies? I am a vile man, I confess it. My crimes and sins are beyond counting. I have lied and cheated, gambled and whored. I'm not particularly good at violence, but I'm good at convincing others to do violence for me. You want specifics, I suppose. When I was seven, I saw a servant girl bathing in the river. I stile her robe and she was forced to return to the castle naked and in tears. I closed my eyes, but I could still see her tits bouncing. When I was 10, I stuffed my uncle's boots with goat sh*t. When confronted with my crime, I blamed a squire. Poor boy was flogged, and I escaped justice. When I was 12 I milked my eel into a pot of turtle stew. I flogged the one-eyed snake, I skinned my sausage. I made the bald men cry into the turtle stew, which I believe my sister ate. At least I hope she did. I once brought a jackass and a honeycomb into a brothel....

Have you ever heard the phrase "Rich as a Lannister?" Of course you have. You're a smart man. You know who the Lannister's are. I am a Lannister. Tyrion, son of Tywin. Of course, you have also heard the phrase, a Lannister always pays his debts. If you deliver a message from me to Lady Arryn, I will be in your debt. I will owe you gold. If you deliver the message, and I live, which I very much intend to do.

Listen to me. Sometimes possession is an abstract concept. When they captured me, they took my purse, but the gold is still mine.

Untie me. If I die, what's the point?

Tyrion: Tell me, Lady Stark, when was the last time you saw your sister?
Catelyn: Five years ago.
Tyrion: She's changed. She was always a bit touched, but now, you might as well kill me here.
Catelyn: I am not a murderer Lannister.
Tyrion: Neither am I! I had nothing to do with the attempt on your son's life....What sort of an imbecile arms an assassin with his own blade?

Anyway, don't despair, I'm a constant disappointment to my own father and I've learned to live with it. Here, your next tumble with Roz is on me. I'll try not to wear her out.

Tyrion: Come to see me off Greyjoy? Kind of you. Your master doesn't seem to like Lannisters.
Theon: He's not my master.
Tyrion: No, of course not. What happened here, where is Lady Stark, why didn't she receive me:
Theon: She wasn't feeling well.
Tyrion: She's not in Winterfell, is she? Where did she go?
Theon: My lady's whereabouts...
Tyrion: My lady? Your loyalty to your loyalty to your captors is touching. Tell me, how do you think Balon Greyjoy would feel knowing his only surviving son had turned lackey.

Tyrion: I must say I received a slighter warmer welcome on my last visit.
Robb: Any man of the Night's Watch is welcome at Winterfell.
Tyrion: Any man of the Night's Watch but not I, eh boy?
Robb: I'm not your boy, Lannister. I'm Lord of Winterfell while my father is away.
Tyrion: Then you might learn a Lord's courtesy.

If you're going to be a cripple, it's better to be a rich cripple. Take care, Snow.

Game of Thrones Quotes

Tyrion: Let me give you some advice bastard. Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.
Jon: What the hell do you know about being a bastard?
Tyrion: All dwarfs are bastards in their father's eyes.

Oh, my sweet summer child! What do you know about fear? Fear is for the winter, when the snows fall a hundred feet deep; fear is for the Long Night, when the sun hides for years and children are born and live and die all in darkness. That is the time for fear, my little Lord.

Old Nan