You tell someone you cheated if you want to break up with her. Otherwise, it's just a selfish way to get rid of your own guilt.

Drama: Three months without pussy, E. That's rough. You're almost a virgin again.
Vince: Yeah, why do you think he's calling?
Drama: It's like the guy's got his hymen restored

I thought the whole reason people have girlfriends is for effort-free sex.

Eric: Why's it so hard to get a good slice in LA anyway?
Drama: Tap water. That's why you can't get a decent bagel, either. Except on Fairfax.
Vince: What, Johnny, there's different water on Fairfax?
Drama: Yeah, Vince. The Jews import it from Burl Park.

Vince: Go easy on him, he's having a rough day.
Ari: What's wrong, E, what happened?
Vince: He's not getting any.
Ari: Oh no. You kidding me? Want me to get Lloyd in here and have him hari kari you with his pecker?

Drama: Vince, you ever go 3 months without pussy?
Turtle: Vince ain't ever gone 3 days.
Vince: No wait, that's not true... Sophomore year.
Turtle: Really?
Eric: Yeah, he had mono.

Eric: So, your sayin you'd have sex with a girl on her period, Drama?
Turtle: Who wouldn't?
Vince: I've done it, it's not something I hope for.
Eric: You guys are disgusting

Ari: I thought the girlfriend was still in play.
Vince Aww, bad time of the month to come home.
Ari: Oh, you're like me.
Eric: Oh yea, how so?
Ari: I won't even fuck my wife after she plays tennis.

Ari: You know what they feed people on an indie set, Vinne? Nothing! They don't give you a trailer. They tell you to go sit on an apple box. Ever try to bang an extra on an apple box?
Eric: Well, if anybody could do it, Vince could.
Vince: I do have great balance.

Displaying quotes 100 - 108 of 120 in total