The Simpsons

Waylon Smithers Quotes (Page 7)

(Mr. Burns, Smithers, Dr. Marvin Monroe and other doctors review Homer's test shaking their heads in disbelief making tsk-tsk noises.)
Homer: So did I pass doc?
Mr. Burns: N-no.
(Doctors grab Homer and escort him out. Homer gasps and screeches.)
Smithers: Careful men. He wets his pants.
 • Rating: Unrated

(Mr. Burns and Smithers review the security camera footage at the power plant.)
Mr. Burns: Wait a minute. Go back.
(Tape rewinds)
Mr. Burns: Zoom in.
(Screen zooms in to Homer.)
Mr. Burns: Why is that man in pink?
Smithers: That's Homer Simpson, sir. He's one of your boobs from Sector 7-G.
Mr. Burns: Simpson, eh? Well, judging by his outlandish attire, he's some sort of free-thinking anarchist.
Smithers: I'll call security, sir.
Mr. Burns: Excellent.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Burns: Somebody up there likes me, Smithers!
Smithers: Somebody down here likes you too, sir!
Burns: Shut up!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Smithers: Actually, I value every second we're together, from the moment I squeeze his orange juice in the morning till I tuck him in at night. He's not just my boss, he's my best friend too.
 • Rating: Unrated

(Mr. Burns and Smithers watch security camera footage of Homer inviting the guys over for the big fight.)
Smithers: Um, he's Homer Simpson, sir. One of your drones from Sector 7-G.
Mr. Burns: Excellent. I'm so keen on seeing Watson vs. Tatum II, I'd even go to an employee's house. Oh, I can picture it now. The screen door rusting off it's filthy hinges, mangy dogs staggering about, looking vainly for a place to die.
Smithers: Permission to speak frankly, sir?
Mr. Burns: Permission granted.
Smithers: Well, you are quite wealthy--
Mr. Burns: Thank you, Smithers. Your candor is most refreshing.
Smithers: No, no, I mean, why don't you pay for the fight yourself?
Mr. Burns: Ah, Smithers, the big title fight is one of those rare occasions that I savor the sights, the sounds and (sniffs) ah, yes, the smells of men.
Smithers: You haven't lost the common touch, sir.
 • Rating: Unrated

(Homer and Barney drive by Mr. Burns, who is sitting on a park bench.)
Homer: Hey, Burns, eat my shorts! (They drive off)
Mr. Burns: Who the Sam Hill was that?
Smithers: (Looking through binoculars.) Why, it's Homer Simpson, sir. One of the schmoes from Sector 7G.
Mr. Burns: Simpson, eh? I want him in my office at nine o'clock Monday morning. We'll see who eats whose shorts.
 • Rating: Unrated

Lenny: Hey, Simpson, I heard Mr. Burns crushed your boy!
Homer: Yeah, if I wasn't so spineless, I'd march right into his office right now, and...
Smithers: Simpson! Mr. Burns wants you to march into his office right now
Homer: Uh-oh!
 • Rating: Unrated

(Smithers checks on Bart after Mr. Burns hits him.)
Smithers: Uh-oh. I, uh-I think the boy's hurt.
Mr. Burns: Oh, for crying out loud! Just give him a nickel and let's get going.
 • Rating: Unrated

(Mr. Burns greets the Simpson family on Nuclear Power Plant Family Night at Springfield Stadium.)
Smithers: (Whispering) It's the Simpsons, sir
Mr. Burns: Ah, well, if it isn't the Simps!
Homer: Uh, it-it's Simpsons, sir.
Mr. Burns: Huh?
(Smithers hands Mr. Burns an index card with the Simpson family information.)
Mr. Burns: Oh, uh, oh, yes. Homer and Marge Simpson. Oh, and these must be Bart, Lisa, and, uh, "Expecting."
Smithers: Uh, the card needs to be updated, sir.
(Mr. Burns stammers in frustration)
Homer: Well, uh, that's okay. Th-the baby's name isn't important. Let's go, Marge.
 • Rating: Unrated

(After dinner at the Simpsons goes badly and costs Mr.Burns the election, he and Smithers head home.)
Mr. Burns: Ironic, isn't it, Smithers? This anonymous clan of slack-jawed troglodytes has cost me the election. And yet, if I were to have them killed, I would be the one to go to jail. That's democracy for you.
Smithers: You are noble and poetic in defeat, sir.
 • Rating: Unrated

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