South Park
Wednesdays 10:00 PM on Comedy CentralFavorite Wendy Testaburger Quotes
Wendy: Stan, you know Valentine's Day is coming up.
Stan: Yeah, I know.
Wendy: I was thinking maybe we could go on a cruise.
Stan: Dude, I can't afford a cruise!
Wendy: I know. We could sit in a box in your back yard, and pretend it's a cruise.
Cartman: (Laughs hysterically) That's so lame!
Wendy: Then maybe we can dress up in costumes, like we're getting married.
Cartman: (Laughs) Stop it! You're killing me over here!
Wendy: Stan? We're still Valentines, right?
Stan: Sure, Wendy, whatever.
Kyle: Hey! We should buy Ms. Ellen Valentine's Day presents.
Stan: Yeah! We'll go to the mall tonight!
Cartman: I'm gonna buy a vacuum cleaner. Chicks like vacuum cleaners.
Kim Kardashian is a short overweight woman, who manipulates her image and makes average girls feel horrible about themselves... In real life, Kim Kardashian has the body of a hobbit.
Wendy: (singing) Mrs. Landers was a health nut, she cooked food in a wok. Mr. Harris was her boyfriend and he had a great big
Cock-a-doodle-doodle, the rooster just won't quit, and I don't want my breakfast because it tastes like
Shitzus make good house pets, they're cuddly and sweet; monkeys aren't good to have 'cause they like to beat their
Meeting in the office, or meeting in the hall, the boss he wants to see you, so you can suck his
Balzac was a writer, he lived with Allen Funt. Mrs. Roberts doesn't like him, but that's 'cause she's a
Contaminated water can really make you sick: your bladder gets infected, and blood comes out your
Dictate what I'm saying, 'cause it will bring you luck, and if you all don't like it I don't give a flying (beep).
Cartman: Thanks Wendy. Don't call us, we wont call you either.
Wendy: Ms.Ellen, can I talk to you?
Ms. Ellen: Of course Wendy.
Wendy: I can't help but notice you've taken a liking to my boyfriend Stan.
Ms. Ellen: Well I've taken a liking to all of you. You're all so young and cute and full of life...
Wendy: Can I tell you something Ms. Ellen?
Ms. Ellen: Of course Wendy.
Wendy: Don't f*** with me!
Ms. Ellen: (surprised) What?
Wendy: You heard me! Stay away from my man, bitch, or I'll whoop your sorry little ass back to last year! (gets off the seat & walks away) Bye, Ms. Ellen.
Mr Garrison: Okay children I have some very exciting news for you. Why don't you tell them Mr Twig? (Garrison as Mr Twig) That's right Mr Garrison. The first annual South Park Film Festival begins today.
Wendy: Wow! Cool.
Kyle: They're not gonna show that stupid-ass Godzilla movie again are they?
Mr Garrison: No, no, Kyle, these are independent films.
Stan: Oh like Independence Day? That sucked ass too.
Cartman: No dude, independent films are those black and white hippy movies. They're always about gay cowboys eating pudding.
Wendy: Truth or dare?
Stan: (like Chef) Dare.
Bebe: I dare you to shove this twig up your pee-hole.
Stan: SICK!
Wendy: Cartman, why don't you just go home. You aren't helping any.
Cartman: You won't let me help.
Wendy: That's because you're stupid and you're a racist.
Cartman: ...touch.
Ms. Choksondik: Alright, children, now I've sure you already know, but the president has asked that all American children send one dollar to the children of Afghanistan. Now I've got a list of addresses and we're all going to chip in...
Cartman: Ha! I'm not giving a dollar to those towel-heads!
Ms. Choksondik: Eric, the Afghan people need our help!
Cartman: Oh, I'm sorry, but I thought we're at war with these assholes!
Wendy: We're at war with terrorists, fat-ass, not with Afghanistan! And the reason you'd care is so you don't give them a dollar!
Cartman: (stands up) That dollar buys me a chocolate milk for lunch! What, you want me to get a regular milk for 50 cents?? Now look... It's not our fault that terrorists hate us; we're just kids. We're not the one's dropping bombs on them; we're just caught in the middle. It's not our fault.
Wendy: The Afghan people are caught in the middle, too.
Cartman: Yes, but they're sand-monkeys!
Ms. Choksondik: Alright, children, settle down! We're all sending dollars to the children of Afghanistan, that's it, end of discussion!
Cartman: (sits down) GODDAMMIT, I HATE REGULAR MILK!!!
