Winston: Live from New York, it's Coach's goodbye!
Jess: Show's over.
Winston: We ain't doing this?

If I were off my rocker, would I take a weekly selfie with my cat?

I will say only one thing about that man that I've only said about Ryan Gosling...hot damn!

You got girl trouble, get a crystal!

I just want to be slapped around!

I’m pretty sure they call her ‘The Fish’ because she’s tough, but fair, like a lot of fish I’ve met.

The only think I want in my mouth is Mr. and Mrs. Ibuprofen, minus the Mister.

Winston: That's like the president and the vice president not being best friends.
Nick: They're not best friends.
Winston: Come on, everybody knows they're best friends.

Nobody's getting pregnant tonight!...That's the same thing I say on my dates.

Winston: Nick could be your lawyer.
Schmidt: This Nick? Vivica A. Dropout?

Girl, I got an obligation...at a...sandwich...meeting.

Nick: Men don't talk to people they've dated, unless they want sex, or they're Winston.
Winston: I also want sex.

New Girl Quotes

Schmidt: Who let the dirty slut out of the slut house?
Jess [in a British accent]: Probably the slut butler, right!

I feel like I wanna murder someone and also I want soft pretzels.

Jess