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New-girl

The only think I want in my mouth is Mr. and Mrs. Ibuprofen, minus the Mister.

Winston: That's like the president and the vice president not being best friends.
Nick: They're not best friends.
Winston: Come on, everybody knows they're best friends.

Nobody's getting pregnant tonight!...That's the same thing I say on my dates.

Winston: Nick could be your lawyer.
Schmidt: This Nick? Vivica A. Dropout?

Girl, I got an obligation...at a...sandwich...meeting.

Nick: Men don't talk to people they've dated, unless they want sex, or they're Winston.
Winston: I also want sex.

Winston: So...where do you do the marketing?
Schmidt: Oh, Winston. So naive, so sweet. We do the marketing EVERYWHERE!

I was the ninth guy off the bench for the eighth-best team in Latvia.

Have I ever made any decisions in my whole life? Are we just living in the mind of a giant?

Schmidt: Camping?
Winston: Like we're animals?!

Winston: Friends don't call friends pathetic.
Nick: But what do friends do when the other friend is taking a shower with a cat?

Nick, you know what a squirrel looks like. You've been outside.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 50 in total

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"

Coach
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