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New-girl

I'm worried about Schmidt, he's a Jew in the desert I don't want him to wander.

Winston: The phone?
Jess: I don't know...looks like a meth-head sandwich to me!

Winston: They call me Prank Sinatra!
Nick: No, you call you Prank Sinatra!

Schmidt, I have to breathe because I am coaching you and also for regular life reasons.

Prostitute: Aren't you a virgin, too?
Winston: Just my penis, baby. Just my penis.

Somehow, I got on that woman's cycle of menstruation. And I got that menstruation inside of me!

There's nothing like the feel of a fire, a fresh baked cookie and the sweet, sweet taste of crack in your lungs.

Jess: You're too late. I'm in love. With Winston.
Winston: You know, it just got stuck up there so far, so quickly.

Schmidt: I'm gonna have sex tonight. Are you two in?
Winston: Is that the way you wanted to say that?

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