I'm worried about Schmidt, he's a Jew in the desert I don't want him to wander.

Winston: They call me Prank Sinatra!
Nick: No, you call you Prank Sinatra!

Winston: The phone?
Jess: I don't know...looks like a meth-head sandwich to me!

Prostitute: Aren't you a virgin, too?
Winston: Just my penis, baby. Just my penis.

Schmidt, I have to breathe because I am coaching you and also for regular life reasons.

Schmidt: I'm gonna have sex tonight. Are you two in?
Winston: Is that the way you wanted to say that?

He doesn't steal pies from windowsills! He is a real-life homeless person!

There's nothing like the feel of a fire, a fresh baked cookie and the sweet, sweet taste of crack in your lungs.

Somehow, I got on that woman's cycle of menstruation. And I got that menstruation inside of me!

That wasn't a cookie, damn it! That was a piece of his heart.

Ain't no way in hell I got a cat brothel going on in my room and I'm the only normal person in this loft.

Jess: You're too late. I'm in love. With Winston.
Winston: You know, it just got stuck up there so far, so quickly.

New Girl Quotes

You question my pajamas? You make me question our entire friendship!

Jess

Do not challenge me to a sex stand-off. I can channel all of my sexual energy into knitting. How do you think I made it through high school?

Jess