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New-girl

Winston: Schmidt is tired of doing things for you that go unnoticed — lining your shoes up at the door.
Nick: Don't line my shoes up at the door.
Winston: Recording your favorite shows. The turn-down service.
Nick: The turn-down service is weird, and I never asked you to do that.
Schmidt: Well I guess those chocolate mints just disappeared on their own.

Somehow, I got on that woman's cycle of menstruation. And I got that menstruation inside of me!

Jess: I just want to warn you guys that my mom's a little bit perky.
Winston: Wait, you think she's perky?
Jess: Well, she doesn't have my dark side. I got that from my dad.

Winston: There are parts of my butt that only a tub can clean.
Jess: Ew, but okay!

Winston: The phone?
Jess: I don't know...looks like a meth-head sandwich to me!

Jess: You're too late. I'm in love. With Winston.
Winston: You know, it just got stuck up there so far, so quickly.

There's nothing like the feel of a fire, a fresh baked cookie and the sweet, sweet taste of crack in your lungs.

Winston: So that means you're gonna do whatever I say?
Schmidt: I mean as long as it's gangsta...or not. It doesn't have to be.

You were denied a cell phone because you have the credit score of a homeless ghost!

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