Have I ever made any decisions in my whole life? Are we just living in the mind of a giant?

Schmidt: Camping?
Winston: Like we're animals?!

Winston: Friends don't call friends pathetic.
Nick: But what do friends do when the other friend is taking a shower with a cat?

Nick, you know what a squirrel looks like. You've been outside.

The internet said I had to stay off my feet. But then I found this wheelchair in a ditch, so...I'm ready to work out!

Coach: Remember when you sat out of the game because you were sad?
Winston: I was also cold.

Winston: Schmidt, you can't move out! Who's gonna do my fades?!
Jess: Yeah, who's gonna do his fades?!

Ain't no way in hell I got a cat brothel going on in my room and I'm the only normal person in this loft.

He's gonna have to get...it rhymes with "flute-ered."

Hello, Pica? I need a table for five. This is author Toni Morrison.

Winston: An eye for an eye, Nick; a cat for a cat.
Nick: But what's the other cat?

I needed your underwear...to sew into my underwear.

New Girl Quotes

You question my pajamas? You make me question our entire friendship!

Jess

Do not challenge me to a sex stand-off. I can channel all of my sexual energy into knitting. How do you think I made it through high school?

Jess