New Girl

Tuesdays 9:00 PM on FOX
New girl
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Jess: You're too late. I'm in love. With Winston.
Winston: You know, it just got stuck up there so far, so quickly.

Winston: The phone?
Jess: I don't know...looks like a meth-head sandwich to me!

Winston: There are parts of my butt that only a tub can clean.
Jess: Ew, but okay!

Jess: I just want to warn you guys that my mom's a little bit perky.
Winston: Wait, you think she's perky?
Jess: Well, she doesn't have my dark side. I got that from my dad.

Somehow, I got on that woman's cycle of menstruation. And I got that menstruation inside of me!

Winston: Schmidt is tired of doing things for you that go unnoticed — lining your shoes up at the door.
Nick: Don't line my shoes up at the door.
Winston: Recording your favorite shows. The turn-down service.
Nick: The turn-down service is weird, and I never asked you to do that.
Schmidt: Well I guess those chocolate mints just disappeared on their own.

That wasn't a cookie, damn it! That was a piece of his heart.

Winston: They call me Prank Sinatra!
Nick: No, you call you Prank Sinatra!

Winston: You, my friend, have become her fluffer.
Nick: Like in porn?
Winston: Her emotional fluffer!

Jess: I got laid off.
Winston: What!?
Nick: Are you serious?
Schmidt: Obama...

I'm worried about Schmidt, he's a Jew in the desert I don't want him to wander.

Boobies. Girls with clean hair. Models eating sliders. Bernadette Peters on a high beam. Freshly baked bread.

Displaying quotes 37 - 48 of 52 in total

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"

Coach