Schmidt: I'm gonna have sex tonight. Are you two in?
Winston: Is that the way you wanted to say that?

Winston: I wanted to talk to you about the regrettable contact between Cece's...her down there and
Schmidt: You practically shish-kebabed her.

Winston: So that means you're gonna do whatever I say?
Schmidt: I mean as long as it's gangsta...or not. It doesn't have to be.

There's nothing like the feel of a fire, a fresh baked cookie and the sweet, sweet taste of crack in your lungs.

Jess: You're too late. I'm in love. With Winston.
Winston: You know, it just got stuck up there so far, so quickly.

Winston: The phone?
Jess: I don't know...looks like a meth-head sandwich to me!

Winston: There are parts of my butt that only a tub can clean.
Jess: Ew, but okay!

Jess: I just want to warn you guys that my mom's a little bit perky.
Winston: Wait, you think she's perky?
Jess: Well, she doesn't have my dark side. I got that from my dad.

Somehow, I got on that woman's cycle of menstruation. And I got that menstruation inside of me!

Winston: Schmidt is tired of doing things for you that go unnoticed — lining your shoes up at the door.
Nick: Don't line my shoes up at the door.
Winston: Recording your favorite shows. The turn-down service.
Nick: The turn-down service is weird, and I never asked you to do that.
Schmidt: Well I guess those chocolate mints just disappeared on their own.

That wasn't a cookie, damn it! That was a piece of his heart.

Winston: They call me Prank Sinatra!
Nick: No, you call you Prank Sinatra!

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.


I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"