Mondays 10:00 PM on FX
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Archer

Archer: And Woodhouse, if you spend any of that on heroin, you better buy enough to OD on, because...
Woodhouse: Will do!!

Lana: Thank you for making me carry your bag through customs.
Woodhouse: No, thank you.

Woodhouse: 1,200 pounds
Archer: No one is getting killed over however much that is in real money.

Archer: Cannot picture you as a fighter pilot.
Woodhouse: Oh no, sir. Not a pilot - a batman. An officer's personal attendant, in charge of keeping his kit in good order, seeing to his personal needs.
Archer: So a servant.
Woodhouse: Solider servant was the official term.
Archer: Yeah, way to advance.

Woodhouse: One by one, the last surviving member of the double duece are being... murdered.
Archer: Oh my god.... are we out of Bloody Marys?

Archer: You realize you're in huge trouble.
Woodhouse: Yes, sir.
Archer: And now I have to spend my first Friday off in like forever...
Woodhouse: Yes, sir.
Archer: ...devising some bizarre punishment for you.
Woodhouse: Yes, sir.
Archer: So don't be suprised if you find yourself eating a whole bunch of spiderwebs.

Rudi: I'm gonna dress you up like a little gnome and just have you live in my garden.
Woodhouse: I would like some new clothes.

Woodhouse: I'm afraid the lemur got into the pudding cups.
Archer: Yeah, like I told you he would, you idiot.

Archer: Woodhouse! What are you doing?
Woodhouse: Uh, sitting down sir.
Archer: What, at the table? Like people?

Archer: Stop. Shut up. I have to go, and If I find one single dog hair when I get back, I'll... rub sand in your dead little eyes.
Woodhouse: Very good, Sir.
Archer: I also need you to go buy sand.
Woodhouse: Yes, Sir.
Archer: I don't know if they grade it, but... coarse.

Displaying all 10 quotes

Archer Quotes

Hawley: Awww screw me!
Archer: ...said Ripley to the android Bishop.

Cyril: Archer, do something!
Archer: Who am I, Alan Turing? He was also in X-Men, remember?

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