Archer

Mondays 10:00 PM on FX
Archer

Archer: And Woodhouse, if you spend any of that on heroin, you better buy enough to OD on, because...
Woodhouse: Will do!!

Lana: Thank you for making me carry your bag through customs.
Woodhouse: No, thank you.

Woodhouse: 1,200 pounds
Archer: No one is getting killed over however much that is in real money.

Archer: Cannot picture you as a fighter pilot.
Woodhouse: Oh no, sir. Not a pilot - a batman. An officer's personal attendant, in charge of keeping his kit in good order, seeing to his personal needs.
Archer: So a servant.
Woodhouse: Solider servant was the official term.
Archer: Yeah, way to advance.

Woodhouse: One by one, the last surviving member of the double duece are being... murdered.
Archer: Oh my god.... are we out of Bloody Marys?

Archer: You realize you're in huge trouble.
Woodhouse: Yes, sir.
Archer: And now I have to spend my first Friday off in like forever...
Woodhouse: Yes, sir.
Archer: ...devising some bizarre punishment for you.
Woodhouse: Yes, sir.
Archer: So don't be suprised if you find yourself eating a whole bunch of spiderwebs.

Rudi: I'm gonna dress you up like a little gnome and just have you live in my garden.
Woodhouse: I would like some new clothes.

Woodhouse: I'm afraid the lemur got into the pudding cups.
Archer: Yeah, like I told you he would, you idiot.

Archer: Woodhouse! What are you doing?
Woodhouse: Uh, sitting down sir.
Archer: What, at the table? Like people?

Archer: Stop. Shut up. I have to go, and If I find one single dog hair when I get back, I'll... rub sand in your dead little eyes.
Woodhouse: Very good, Sir.
Archer: I also need you to go buy sand.
Woodhouse: Yes, Sir.
Archer: I don't know if they grade it, but... coarse.

Displaying all 10 quotes

Archer Quotes

Bloody mary, blessed are you among cocktails. Pray for me now in the hour of my death, which I hope is soon. Amen.

Archer

Hawley: Awww screw me!
Archer: ...said Ripley to the android Bishop.

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