Two and a Half Men

Thursdays 8:30 PM on CBS
Two and a half men
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Lisa: Charlie, you'll never change. Look at you. A grown man who can't even commit to long pants.
Charlie: I can commit to long pants. I was just focused on the shirt today. And for your information, I've been going through changes like you wouldn't believe since the last time we were together.
Lisa: Like what?
Charlie: Well... I have a kid now.
Lisa: Oh, God, Charlie! What poor girl did you knock up?
Charlie: No, no. It's my nephew. He and my brother are living with me now. I'm like "Mr. Family Guy".
Lisa: You're right... Family Guy. How is it going with your mom?
Charlie: What the hell has my mom got to do with family?!

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Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 10 Quotes

Charlie: This is serious, Alan. I could lose her.
Alan: Wow. And you care?
Charlie: I love her, Alan. She's the only one I thought I might eventually wind up with.
Alan: "Eventually wind up with." I'm touched. So, what, do you want to keep her warming up in your bullpen until the bottom of the ninth, when you lose your... arm?

Charlie: Live with me.
Lisa: Charlie—
Charlie: No, I'm serious. Move back in.
Lisa: Really? And then what?
Charlie: And then we'll see.
Lisa: Wow, a commitment to "see." And what finger does that ring go on, Charlie?