Chris, you can't join the army, you're too young. Besides, the Army's weak. Now the Marines, those are the men you wanna (Bleep).

Lois

Rating: 5.0 / 5.0 (2 Votes)
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Character:
Lois Griffin
Episode:
Family Guy Season 5 Episode 4: "Saving Private Brian"
Show:
Family Guy
Related Quotes:
Lois Griffin Quotes, Family Guy Season 5 Episode 4 Quotes, Family Guy Quotes
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Family Guy Season 5 Episode 4 Quotes

(playing piano and singing) I am Peter Griffin, I like fancy food, I like reading comic books and dressing like a dude! (throws piano) Oh yeah! Rock 'n' roll!

Peter

Chris: The army sounds awesome! And the recruiter said, with any luck, I could get the clap from a twelve year-old Chinese prostitute.
Peter: Oh, that's great! You'll be serving your country, just like American film legend, Mickey Rooney.
(scene switches to Mickey Rooney in a chair)
Mickey Rooney: Hi, I'm former biggest star in the world Mickey Rooney, and, as you may know, I am totally and completely insane! I like to yell at mice with my shirt off! (a shirtless Rooney kneels by a mouse) Aaah! Aaah! Sometimes, I like to steal other people's scabs! (Rooney steals a man's scab and runs off) Aaah! Aaah! How do I stay so crazy? (lifts up a jar of pills) Mickey Rooney's Crazy Pills! Take one with breakfast, one with lunch, and before you know it, you'll be up on your roof, pooping in the chimney! (switches to Rooney sitting on a chimney, pants down) Hold out your stockings, kids!