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Two-and-a-half-men

Alan: Come on, Jake, we're going to the movies.
Jake: On a school night?
Alan: Why not? You're flunking anyway

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Related Quotes:
Two and a Half Men Quotes, Two and a Half Men Season 4 Episode 3 Quotes, Alan Harper Quotes, Jake Harper Quotes
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Two and a Half Men Season 4 Episode 3 Quotes

Evelyn: So, how is work?
Charlie: Fine.
Evelyn: Are you seeing anybody special?
Charlie: Nope.
Evelyn: Charlie, did you ever stop to think that our relationship is strained because you won't let me in? You won't share.
Charlie: You know why I won't share with you, Mom? Because anything I say will be used against me.
Evelyn: Oh please...
Charlie: I have to go to the bathroom, maybe I have a prostate problem. I buy a new Mercedes, you call it a Nazi phallic symbol. I'm seeing someone new, you ask if I'm paying her by the hour, or per schtup!

Alan: When was the last time you called mom just to see how she was doing?
Charlie: Uh, whoo. What's today, Sunday? Then never.
Alan: Why don't you start with that?
Charlie: OK, fine.
Alan: Remember her number?
Charlie: I've got it on speed dial. 666. Cute, huh?

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