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Two-and-a-half-men

Charlie: Do I have to remind you of the Japanese penis enlargement system you own?
Alan: That's not what caused the rupture.

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Two and a Half Men Quotes, Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 9 Quotes, Charlie Harper Quotes, Alan Harper Quotes
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Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 9 Quotes

You usually grab my ass like you're holding a tree trunk in a hurricane. This time it was more like you were palming a couple cantaloupe at the supermarket.

Charlie

Berta: I thought you were taking your girlfriend out for dinner.
Jake: I am, but I thought if I eat first I won't pig out in the restaurant and make her sick.
Berta: Good idea, then you'll have the whole rest of the night to make her sick.
Jake: Exactly. Plus, I won't snap at her if she reaches for one of my fries.

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