Blair: Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It's been... a while since my last confession.
Priest: What troubles you, my child?
Blair: (sighs) After being broken up with my boyfriend for exactly 20 minutes, I succumbed to inebriation, performed at a speakeasy, and surrendered my virtue to a self-absorbed ass. The only good news is that he's a total pig who'll act like it never happened, thank God.
Priest: Ahem.
Blair: Sorry. Truthfully, I'm not even Catholic.
Priest: You don't say.

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