Stewie: (looking in the barrel of a shotgun) Go ahead, mother! Do it! Shoot me! Shoot your little baby Stewie!
Lois: (dramatic pause; her arm holding the gun shakes then she drops on her knees, dropping the gun) I can't do it! You're a terrible, evil child, but you're still my baby, and I could never hurt you.
Stewie: Well, that works out perfectly because I CAN HURT YOU! (grabs the gun and aims at Lois' face) Say hi to Cleveland for me! Oh, and Mr. Weed.
(dramatic pause; a gunshot is heard, Lois is unhurt, Stewie looks down at his bleeding chest, another shot is heard and hits Stewie in the head; Peter is seen holding a smoking gun)
Peter: It's just been revoked!
Brian: Uh, Peter, we didn't really set you up for that Lethal Weapon line. It... it doesn't really work here.
Peter: Oh... I'll have what she's having!
Brian: That's... better?


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Family Guy Season 6 Episode 5 Quotes

Stewie: What do you want your alias to be?
Brian: What are you talking about? I'm not gonna -
(Stewie holds gun to Brian's head)
Stewie(yelling): Pick a name for yourself!
Brian: Willem Dafoe.
Stewie: Ew, not that one. I used to have a Willem Dafoe living under my bed.
(cut to scene of Stewie in bed)
Willem Dafoe: Hey, you asleep yet?
Stewie: Uhh...no.
Willem Dafoe: Just checking.

Brian: Hey, Stewie, we got a postcard from Peter and Lois on the cruise. (Stewie gets out of the simulation chair) What are you doing?
Stewie: Oh, hello, Brian. Well, you recall my complaining about Lois and the Fat Man not taking me with them?
Brian: Yeah?
Stewie: Yes, well, you said I didn't have it in me to kill Lois, so I was just running a simulation to find out exactly how killing her and taking over the world would play out for me.
Brian: Yeah? How'd that go?
Stewie: Not well, Brian. Not well. I suppose I'm not ready to kill Lois or take over the world yet.
Brian: So, what you're saying is that what you experienced in the simulation didn't really happen, or even matter?
Stewie: Yes, that's correct.
Brian: So, it was sort of like a dream?
Stewie: No, it was a simulation.
Brian: Yes, but, theoretically, if someone watched the events of that simulation from start to finish, only to find out that none of it really happened, I mean you don't think, that would, j-- be just like a giant middle finger to them?
Stewie: Well, hopefully, they would have enjoyed the ride.
Brian: I don't know, man. I think you'd piss a lot of people off that way.
(Brian leaves)
Stewie: Well, at least it didn't end like The Sopranos, where it just cut to black in mid-sen-- (the screen goes black like Stewie described)