Leslie: Hey, you're going to jail for a very long time.
Dave: He's not going to go to jail, you know. He's a minor.
Leslie: Well, we'll let the jury decide.
Dave: There's not gonna be a jury. It's a....
Leslie: Then the judge will decide where he goes.
Dave: Look, he's going to do probation. He's a minor.
Leslie: Dave, just let me have this?

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Parks and Recreation Season 2 Episode 7 Quotes

I passed up a gay Halloween party to be here. Do you know how much fun gay Halloween parties are? Last year I saw three Jonas brothers make out with three Robert Pattisons. It was amazing.


Halloween is my favorite holiday. It's just the best. And I don't have to work! Hey slutty teenage girls dressed as sexy kittens... pump your own stomachs this year!