Thursdays 8:30 PM on CBS
Two-and-a-half-men

I can't possibly produce enough sperm or blood to get myself out of the hole i'm in.

Alan
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Two and a Half Men Quotes, Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 9 Quotes, Alan Harper Quotes
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Two and a Half Men Season 9 Episode 9 Quotes

Walden: Your son makes one heck of a wingman.
Jake: You make it easy boss.

In the dating game, wedding rings are like kryptonite. If superman was a vagina.

Alan
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