Michelle: I could deal with your mother, your brother, your nephew, your housekeeper.
Charlie: Yeah but...
Michelle: Wait a sec, I'm not done.. your drinking, your gambling, your womanizing. But I am not putting up with your stalker.
Charlie: Really, that's where you draw the line? Seems a little arbitrary.

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Charlie Harper Quotes, Two and a Half Men Season 8 Episode 7 Quotes, Two and a Half Men Quotes
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Two and a Half Men Season 8 Episode 7 Quotes

Michelle: You have a wonderful son.
Evelyn: Yes I do. But Charlie and Alan must never learn of him.

Michelle: You eat a lot of fish. Aren't you worried about mercury?
Charlie: Michelle, on the list of things I expect to kill me, mercury poisoning ranks well below liver failure, struck by lightning and heart attack during sex. Guess which one I'm rooting for?