Tracy: I have to be charming on Conan tonight. This is my chance to redeem myself with mainstream America.
Toofer: Okay, well. Just tell us some things about your life, and we'll try to punch it up and make it talk show-worthy.
Pete: Maybe something about you and your wife.
Tracy: Me and my wife like to play rape. She go in the bathroom
and do her hair. Then, I'll put on a ski mask...


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Characters:
Tracy Jordan, Peter Hornberger, Toofer
Episode:
30 Rock Season 1 Episode 7: "Tracy Does Conan"
Show:
30 Rock
Related Quotes:
Tracy Jordan Quotes, Peter Hornberger Quotes, Toofer Quotes, 30 Rock Season 1 Episode 7 Quotes, 30 Rock Quotes
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30 Rock Season 1 Episode 7 Quotes

Jack: Tracy's feeling a lot better now. He's under a doctor's care.
Conan: That's what they said about Hasselhoff, then he tried to make out with me during a commercial break.
Jack: Conan, this is important to me. So, we can either do this the easy way or the hard way.
Conan: What's the hard way?
Jack: You do a live Christmas Eve special from Kabul every year until the War on Terror is won.
Conan: Tell Tracy I'll see him tonight, you Black Irish bastard.
Jack: Back at you, red.

Jack: Conan, Tracy's really excited to be back on your show.
Conan: I don't know. He's kind of a loose cannon, and I like to surround myself with people who don't try to stab me.