Peter: I like that you can tell me your stories starting at the Clam and end it on a ferris wheel.
Quagmire: Yeah, people are starving in Africa and I'm in a carnival with my best buddies on a beautiful night. Blessings. Blessings.

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Peter Griffin Quotes, Glenn Quagmire Quotes, Family Guy Season 11 Episode 5 Quotes, Family Guy Quotes
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Family Guy Season 11 Episode 5 Quotes

Quagmire: Wait a minute, Bobby Briggs is the one who crippled you? You always told us you fell off a roof during a fight with the Grinch.
Joe: ...I lied.

A police spokesperson was quoted as saying "Duh, I'm a dumb cop, I like to give Tom Tucker a ticket." I was going like 41.

Tom Tucker