Two and a Half Men

Thursdays 8:30 PM on CBS
Two and a half men
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Alan: If Mom's ever in a coma you're the one who has to decide whether to pull the plug.
Charlie: Pull


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Charlie Harper Quotes, Alan Harper Quotes, Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 17 Quotes, Two and a Half Men Quotes
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Two and a Half Men Season 1 Episode 17 Quotes

Charlie: No, you don't understand. He fell on his head. He's bleeding.
Nurse: Okay. Follow my finger. [moves her finger in front of his face] He's gonna be fine.
Charlie: That's it? He's fine? That's not a medical test. That's how you hypnotize a chicken!

Charlie [holding Jake's hand as he gets stitches]: It's okay, buddy, I'm right here with you. Go ahead, Doc.
Jake: Ow! Ow! Ow!
Charlie: Hey, go easy on the kid!
Jake: No, you're squishing my hand!
Charlie: Oh. Sorry. Did you feel the shot?
Jake: No.
Charlie: You're welcome.
Doctor: Perhaps you'd prefer to wait outside.
Charlie: I'd prefer a morphine drip and a sponge bath, but the kid needs me!