I'm the one black guy. You realize how precarious that makes my situation?


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Everybody knows my mother. Even if they've never met my mother, they know my mother. I could be at the American embassy in Moscow doing shots of vodka with an antipropaganda documentarian from Siberia or scraping barnacles off the bottom of a Spinola Bay boat with a toothless lobsterman, and I will undoubtedly hear, "Please give your mother my love." The maid who cleans the First Lady's toilet knows my mom; the illegal Peruvian plumber knows my mom; the man who produced Charlie's Angels knew my mom. She is beloved by all gay men, who in my opinion constitute the world's most discerning judges of character. She is democratic and liberal, marched down Main Street for her beliefs, fought for civil rights, campaigned for all the Kennedy brothers, and managed to maintain democratic status in the Reagan White House. She has helped alcoholic friends get sober by walking them up and down the beaches of Cape Cod and played Monopoly on the carpet with financial tycoons. And won. She never wears makeup, but always has impeccably manicured toes. We have the exact same singular chin hair. She could invade Poland on a snorting white horse, but breaks into tears over a splinter. Her favorite lunch is sliced tomatoes on bread, deviled eggs, and iced tea. You can bribe her into anything if you can produce a hot fudge sundae. The only things my mother can cook are English muffins and crme caramel. She will choose a bath over a shower, a play over a movie, and the ocean over a pool. She has saved herself from intense pain in her life with strong, pulledup bootstraps and terrifying organizational skills. She has the legs for tennis, the grace for skiing, and such higharched eyebrows they could bring the Supreme Court to their knees. birkenstock damen http://www.baccofurore.it/birk...

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Lori doesn't know. My wife doesn't know. My wife doesn't know.


He was trying so hard to be reasonable, but that pushed my buttons even more.